Friday, April 25, 2008

The Decision to Make a Decision

I am afraid of being wrong. I want to be right. I want to know that I am right. To be sure. Certain. I'm not talking about winning arguments. I'm talking about doing what is right. Doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't want to do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing. I'm so afraid of doing the wrong thing that I do nothing.

I have decided that I am going to start deciding.

Here are some things I can be sure of...

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." I Peter 4:10

I want my life to please God. I want God to be praised through my life. How does that work, then, if I don't use the gifts He's given me.

I hate making decisions because I'm afraid I will make the wrong one. And I will.

Instead, I have decided that my decisions are God's to make. He blessed me with a gift for writing. Denying my gift is not humility, humility is giving God all the glory for it.

He has also given me a desire for writing. When I'm not writing I literally go crazy inside, desperate to do something, make something, create something.

And last fall, He gave me a book to write. I knew He was asking me to write it. And yet, fear continues to creep in. What if I was wrong? What if I claim that He gave me a book to write and He didn't?

I will stand firm in my faith. I will trust Him. I will trust that all that He said was true. This gift is from Him to be used for His glory. I will seek Him as I make my plans and trust that He will determine my steps.

I'm going to write a book. It's what I'm supposed to do. I'm not sure what He'll have me do with it when it is complete, but I can't wait to find out.

I've made my decision.