Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A Look Inside My Mind

Can a thought process cause whiplash?

I'm pretty sure the answer is "yes!"

Last night Gary and I had a, let's call it a discussion. I'll bite my tongue (and keyboard) and stop myself from pouring all the details onto this page for others to read. But you can be sure that if I did, it would be clear that I was right and he is wrong. Which is, of course, one of the many reasons I am not going to do that.

The topic and details of our disagreement are between us. Our marriage has survived so much worse. We will eventually compromise, or agree to disagree, or just move on until it comes up again or becomes irrelevant. Somehow, it will be resolved.

Our argument lasted only a few minutes. But my mind kept it alive for so much longer.

It replayed in my head and the longer it played the more I convinced myself that I was indeed right, thus making him, wrong. I'm sure you can relate. I can't possibly be the only one who does this! But God wasn't going to let me get away with it.

I would catch myself heading full speed down this selfish path. It led to "why me?"'s and "I can't believe he"'s.


And I turned my thoughts to God as I talked to Him instead of my flesh. This led to "forgive me"'s and "God, how should I"'s.

But my flesh just wouldn't be quiet and my thoughts would slowly accelerate toward a path the Spirit did NOT want me to take. Full speed ahead! Then...


This went on all night. Well, except while I was sleeping. Which wasn't all that much. (Emily's teething so we're having 2am parties lately!)

I feel like I'm a passenger in a driver's ed car. You know, with the extra brake pedal? I'm glad I have access to the brakes but why have I given my flesh the accelerator and steering wheel? She cannot be trusted with these!

The path my flesh will take will always lead to destruction. Which is kind of funny when you consider that my flesh is always selfish and yet constantly does things that are not good for me!

So today I am recovering from my whiplash and spending time with God. I'm praying for my attitude. I'm praying for Gary's. I'm praying for our marriage and family and for unity on our current issue. I'm praying that in all of this, our goal remains to glorify God and not gratify our selves.

And that's a look inside my mind!

Aren't you glad you peeked?