Friday, January 16, 2009

Psalm 60, "Clay Pup", and a "Questionable" Girl...

My heart has been heavy this week.

The struggles that God has seen Gary and I through have become fresh in my mind as 3 of my friends, and 2 friends I follow in blog-land, are facing much of the same pain. I continue to praise God for His faithfulness, for choosing to restore my marriage...for the sake of His glory, not my "happily ever after." But I am hurting for these friends and pleading with God to do what only He can do.

I had spent Tuesday morning in prayer especially for these husbands and wives and when I was done I opened up my Bible to read. Now, if you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that last year I decided to read through the Bible in a year. This year's resolution is to finish! I'm somewhere in Sept. but I really want to finish. I didn't want to start over on Jan. 1 just for the sake of getting it done in 365 days, so I'm just working a day at a time and we'll see how long it takes me! So, on Tuesday, I checked my reading schedule and opened up to Psalm 60.

Rachel was sitting with me so I started to read it out loud and it didn't take long for the tears to come. I bawled all the way through it and for several minutes afterward. The weight and reality of the desperate state of our souls just overwhelmed me. I saw so clearly how deserving we are of all of our pain and suffering and how undeserving we are of God's presence, help, and deliverance. And yet, that's what He offers. That is what He longs to do for each of us...deliver us!

And the last 2 verses read, "Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless. With God we will gain the victory, and He will trample down our enemies." (Psalm 60:11-12)

And that is what I go before the throne and humbly plead for my friends.

I am also praising God for all that He gives. Even in the midst of a heavy week, I have been blessed with great joys.

Wednesday morning, I told Rachel to let the water out of the tub when she was done with her bath. As the water was draining, I went into the bedroom and I could hear her start singing :o). She sang "clay pup! clay pup! clay pup!" over and over. When I went to see what she was doing, wondering what "clay pup" meant, I found her tidying up the bath toys on the shelf. She was singing "clean up."

Later that morning, I picked Aly up from school and we met Gary at the clinic for our 20 week ultrasound. Watching Aly was fun. This was the first time we've brought her to an ultrasound. I loved watching her squint and try to figure out what she was seeing. Then Melissa started explaining what she was looking at and that helped a lot! We watched "Ollie" moving and kicking and got pictures of 2 sweet little feet and several toes (I hope there's 10 of them!). "Ollie" reached his little hand up to the side of his head and we got a picture of a little ear.

We found out that our little "Ollie" is a girl! And then my ultrasound tech (and good friend from church :o) added the word "questionable." Grrr. "Ollie" cooperated just fine and looks like a girl, but because I was a few days shy of 20 weeks (19w 3d to be exact) she said that there is a slight chance that there are boy parts there that haven't fallen yet. Grrr. Now. I'm confident that that is not the case. But with just a seed of doubt planted I still feel like we don't know...oh, the frustration!! Fortunately, she was unable to get a picture of the cord attaching to the placenta that she needs and they told me to schedule another appointment in 2-3 weeks!!! Yay! She said by then, she would be more confident about her assessment. It's going to keep making me crazy for 2-3 weeks but at least I don't have to wait for the 32 week ultrasound!!!

The best part of course, was that everything looked perfect! "Ollie" is healthy and right on schedule! And I give God all the glory for His work!

I am just in awe of a God who walks with me in pain and delivers me, who also blesses me with joys beyond measure even in the very midst of a breaking heart.

God is good, all the time.


Sheryl said...

There sure are lots of marriages suffering right now! I know satan would like nothing better than to tear families apart. I am still not sure I know your whole story but it's obvious you are able to truly empathize with those of us watching our marriages crumble. Thanks for praying for others.

"Ollie" - going to keep you guessing a bit longer, huh? Glad it won't be that long though, how fun!!

Rebecca Louise. said...

You write so beautifully and I can tell you have so much compassion.

I am so glad you find strength in your faith.

I love your blog song! X.