Getting What I Don't Deserve

Three years ago today (and every day since) that is what I received.

She had fooled 3 home pregnancy tests and the blood test at the doctor's office. I was 2 1/2 months pregnant when I finally got a positive test.

There was nothing about my life at that time that made the thought of having another baby seem like a good idea. But when the doctor walked in with "the wheel", you know the little due date calculator, I knew it was true and by the time I got to my friend's house to pick up the kids, I was in love.

God gave me what I didn't deserve.

On March, 27th I had my last OB visit and we made the decision to be induced the following morning. My midwife was going out of town and I didn't want just any doctor at the delivery and if I had not gone into labor by the following week, they were going to induce anyway. I spent the afternoon with my friend, Kristin, and our kids. For some reason, we decided that she would give me a foot massage to see if it was true that a foot massage can induce labor.

It is true.

I was contracting before she even finished the massage! When I went in for my induction, my midwife checked me and commented that I had indeed already gone into labor on my own :o). But they still broke my water and started pitocin.

For the record, this time around I am getting a foot massage from Kristin before they have a chance to recommend pitocin...it is evil.

I was 3 cm when they started pitocin at 7am. I hung out that morning with Gary, my Mom, and my friend Tracy. We actually had a nice morning. My Mom and I played Scrabble and when the nurses and resident doctor would check in, they even tried to help. By 11am I was not having quite as much fun and by noon I just wanted to be in bed.

And then the fun part.

My midwife checked me at 12:30 and I was dilated to 4. I spent the next 5 minutes mentally panicking. In my head, it went something like this...

"ONE CENTIMETER IN 5 HOURS!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS HURTING SOOOOOOO MUCH WORSE THAN ANY OF MY OTHER LABORS!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS ALL AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO ASK FOR AN EPIDURAL! I DON'T WANT AN EPIDURAL! I NEED ONE! I DON'T WANT ONE! I NEED ONE!..."

And so on, and so on.

Until I finally said to my family, "This feels like the end."

Somehow, Gary understood that I meant that it felt like the end of labor, but my Mom about had a heart attack having just heard her daughter announce that she was on her death bed!

So, I asked for an epidural.

I hated asking. I was so upset. I had avoided an epidural for all 3 of my other labors. I am happy for all of you moms that have had "painless" labors but I can't handle the thought of a needle in my spine. Seriously, I'll take the labor pains.

So, for the first time, I actually met an anesthesiologist during labor. Well, I heard his voice. I never opened my eyes to look at him. And I was only half listening to what he had to say. He said something about "you'll probably be pushing soon anyway" and "I have another patient and then I'll come back." It was at some point during his little speech that I started feeling like I had to push. (I did officially meet the anesthesiologist the next day when he came to tell me that he did in fact come back but I had already delivered!)

So, 20 minutes after hearing "4 centimeters" and proceeding to panic, I was complete and ready to push.

And at 1:02pm on March 28, 2006 we met Rachel Grace!

"Rachel", our little lamb.
"Grace", being given what you don't deserve.

And all 7 pounds 13 ounces of her was absolutely beautiful. A perfect gift from God, at just the perfect time...His timing, not mine!

He surprised us with her and she's been surprising us ever since. And 3 years later, I'm about to decorate a "Nemo" birthday cake for the little girl who dances through this house, charming everyone. The little girl who tells me what direction to go when I'm driving, to get me to Walmart for her blue suckers. The little girl who is addicted to apple juice and already has a love for shoes. The little girl who loves to sing "Jesus loves me" (and wore out the battery in the bunny that sings along!), and "talk to grammaw" on the phone. The little girl who loves "so-sees" (horses) and the colors "pink" (purple) and "purple" (pink). The little girl who uses "kung-fu panda" moves on her big brothers and cried when Daddy took "her van" to work one day. The little girl who took her 2 year old buddy on an elevator ride to the youth room at church one Sunday and gave us all a heart attack!!! The little girl who is getting a twin bed today...who used to be my "baby."

Happy Birthday Rachel Grace!


And on a slightly less important note...3 years ago today, I was not only blessed with a little girl I didn't deserve but a Culver's turtle sundae to celebrate her!! This year there will be no Culver's sundae but Gary just came home with groceries and I have Edy's French Silk ice cream!!! I just keep getting what I don't deserve!