This is Me

Celebrating Birthdays

2010-12-24T09:14:00.002-06:00

I love celebrating birthdays!

I think it's a wonderful thing to remember.

Remembering the day I first became a mom. The day I first laid eyes on a little life that had grown inside of me. Remembering all of the years of memories I've been blessed to make with my daughter since that day, her birthday! It is because of how she has touched my life that I enjoy taking that one special day each year and celebrating...her.

Then there is the day that I held my first son. He was special that first day just because he was mine. And he grows more special each year as we get to know him more and more. And each year in December, I love to show him just how special he is to me.

His little brother blessed our family on a very special day in August. He tipped the scale and we girls were officially outnumbered by boys. He was a gift we had not planned on. One of those gifts that you didn't ask for, but the giver knew you so well that He gave you exactly what you didn't know you needed! He has been filling up my heart ever since, and I love to celebrate his life.

A few years later, a little sister joined the group. She blessed this family at a time when I didn't think we could handle such a blessing. Four years later, I know that we can't! And every year in March I celebrate God's grace when I celebrate the day He gave me a blessing I didn't deserve.

And in May, I have the joy of celebrating two very special women in my life. My youngest daughter, the little girl I accidentally prayed for, came into my life on my Mom's birthday. So on a beautiful day in May I get to celebrate a little girl I get to raise and love and teach, and the woman who made sure I grew up knowing Jesus. Two lives I love to celebrate.

But as much as I cherish these birthdays and enjoy making cakes to celebrate each of these lives that mean so much to me, there is a birthday that is far more special. The birthday of the One who has blessed my life more than anyone else. The One who was born just for me.

Today, I am making cookies, making a birthday cake, wrapping gifts, and remembering.

I wasn't there at His birth.

I only know Him through love letters that His Father wrote to me.

He was promised long before He was born. His birth proved that His Father is faithful, that His promises are true. That He loves me.

He was born so that I could be born again.

He was born so that I could know His Father, the One who created me, and so that I could call Him Father too.

He was born so that He could die.

For me.

And today, I'm excited to celebrate His birth!

Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

Dear Emily,

2010-05-29T22:18:00.007-05:00

A year ago tonight, we spent the evening cooking out with a great group of friends. It was our small group's end of year get together. We had a wonderful time. Eating. Laughing. Chatting. Laughing. Refereeing kids in a bounce house. Laughing.

We were 10 days from your due date and from all apparent signs, you were in no hurry to get here sooner. Anyone who asked me, however, knew that Saturday was the day I was hoping to have you. Your Grandma Gay's birthday. Oh, how I wanted to meet you on her birthday! I had several conversations with God about that. Though, more of our conversations were about you and that crazy cord around your neck (you really shouldn't have done that)!

When I woke up Saturday morning, I enjoyed a lazy morning in bed. Your brothers and sisters either slept in a bit or were quiet enough downstairs that I didn't feel the need to get up. And your Daddy had gone to the church's men's breakfast. At 8am, I remember I was reading in bed, I was close to finishing "Left Behind" when my water leaked. Barely. In fact, I wasn't positive that it was my water. So, I finished the book...sorry, but it's a really good book!...and spent some time thinking that I couldn't be in labor because this was the day I wanted to have you! How could it actually be happening?!

So, Grandma was called and Daddy called to check in on us, and I paced around the house leaking...something. Sorry, Emily, I know that's too much information, but this is what I went through for you! Grandma finally convinced me to call in to my midwife. That oh-so-awkward call..."Hello? Yes, either my water is leaking or I'm wetting my pants. What would you like me to do?"

Now, truthfully, I knew it was my water. I knew that you were on your way. I was just having a "pinch me to see if I'm dreaming" kind of morning. But around 11am Karen confirmed that you were on your way and we made plans to meet her at the hospital around 8pm, unless things progressed more quickly.

We had so much fun that afternoon, anticipating meeting you! We took Grandma Gay out for Culver's for her birthday and both of you got a free birthday scoop! We bought you some pacifiers at the drugstore and a birthday cake at the grocery store. For you and Grandma both, of course! But the thought of that cord I mentioned earlier made it hard to wait too much longer so we checked into the hospital at 4pm.

Then it was boring for awhile. The woman next door was screaming. Oh, but my nurse was super nice, her shift ended before you arrived, but I think my night nurse was her cousin. Finally, at 8pm, I was done having fun. At 8:15pm they said I was 5cm and if things didn't start progressing more they would have to start pitocin. It didn't worry me this time. I knew I would be meeting you sooner than they thought.

And at 8:53pm (with the Newsboys singing "He Reigns" on the radio) you entered this world and they placed you on my chest. You were beautiful! And so, so very sweet. With a head full of dark hair that the nurses would later enjoy!

And I never wanted to put you down. (Okay, seriously, sometimes I had to put you down.) When the nurses took you to the nursery, I got some sleep. And at 11pm they brought you in to me and now that I've said that I'm wondering how it was that I thought I got some sleep? Maybe it was later than 11pm? Maybe I didn't sleep? Anyway, it was the most beautiful night. Daddy was sleeping (read: snoring) and it was just you and me. And snuggling with you that night, I knew that Joy was meant to be your middle name.

I spent the next 2 months sleeping with you snuggled to my chest (sorry, Mom) and there is nothing so cozy as your soft baby hair on my cheek.

You joined an already busy, full of kids family, Emily Joy, and you've settled right into your own place in it. After months of anticipating you, it took just days for it to feel like you had always been there.

Now, you're walking all over the place. Helping me garden. You want desperately to type on the computer and are constantly trying to get the mouse from whoever is working at the desk. Your hair. Well, what can I say? It's you. And you're beautiful! You dance in the morning in your crib when I come to get you...unless Aly grabs you first. You can hold your own with Rachel...and that's not easy! You laugh at your brothers and love our "peek-a-boo" wall. You run for Daddy when he comes home from work and have just started not being particularly happy when I leave you. Though, I think that's not really because you want me but rather, you don't want to miss out on anything. Your favorite toys are Daddy's Diet Mt. Dew cans and our dishwasher tablets (I know, I need to fix that child-proof latch). You would spend all day outside if you could. You love the grass, the dirt, sand, mulch. You love it all. And I'm quite impressed that you can already climb up our slide. Notice I said I was "impressed", not "happy".

When I first held you on May 30, 2009, you were already you. It's been a wonderful year of getting to know you more and more. And of all the things that are different this year from last year, one thing is the same. My prayer for you is that you grow less dependent on me and more dependent on the Lord. That you seek Him, accept Him, and grow in a personal relationship with Jesus.

I love you Emily Joy!

Happy 1st Birthday!

Reflecting on Reflecting

2010-05-28T22:09:00.002-05:00

I just got a call from my Mom. I got just a little nervous as I answered, it was almost 10pm and she was calling from a cell phone. But all was well, whew! She was calling to tell me to look at the moon.

So, I did.

It's breathtaking! Low in the dark sky, a beautiful orange glow all around it.

As I sat in the boys room looking at the moon (I had to look from upstairs because it's so low in the sky) it struck me.

This full moon, in all it's glory, is only reflecting the light of the sun. As wonderful as it is, it is but a small taste of the sun that it is reflecting. As days go by, the earth will begin to slowly come between the moon and it's light source, and it will reflect less and less of the glory that will remain unchanged.

Those who know Christ have the privilege, and awesome responsibility, of reflecting the Son in our own lives. The more we allow to come between us and our Savior, the less we will shine. Even at our best, we will only ever give the world a glimpse of His glory and power. How much of Him does the world see when they look at me? And what have I let come in between us?

Remembering Dorothy

2010-05-13T22:33:00.004-05:00

A few years ago, I was beginning to understand what a great blessing it is to study God's word with other women. I believe it was in our "A Woman After God's Own Heart" study that I had the privilege of being in a group with Dorothy Fett. She was sweet and she was fun and she had beautiful white hair, and actually reminded me a little bit of my Great Aunt Flo. And she was so in love with Jesus that you couldn't help but want to know Him more.

I am thankful for her love of the Lord. Thankful that she loved Him so much that she desired to share Him with others. If she had learned anything that brought her closer to Him, she wanted to pass it on to other women.

A year or two after that first Bible study with Dorothy, I felt the need to tell her how blessed I had been by her words. She had told me (well, she was probably talking to the whole group, but it was really for me...haha) that "these Bible studies are not our quiet time, they need to be in addition to our daily time in God's word."

I was hungry and God used Dorothy to draw me closer to Him. To call me to a deeper relationship with my Savior. To drink deep instead of skimming the surface. And I love Him more. And I loved her.

When I was pregnant with Emily, very early, Dorothy said she thought I was having a girl. I told her she was probably right because I thought it was a boy and I'm always wrong! And when we brought Emily to church that first Sunday after she was born, Dorothy handed me a gift bag. I had to open it right then and there, as I knew it was going to be something quite beautiful. And it was! She had made Emily a quilt. I could go on and on about it, but I'm crying now and that's making it hard to type.

The quilt has been special to me since the moment Dorothy gave it to Emily. Our first three kids all have baby blankets knit by Gary's Mom. When Rachel came along, Grandma Karen was not up to the task but her very best friend knit Rachel's baby blanket. And Emily. Well, Grandma Karen always wanted an "Emily," but never met her. So for Emily to still have such a special blanket made for her by such a special woman was a wonderful gift.

This March, that special quilt became something else. It became my reminder to pray. Dorothy was diagnosed with cancer and shortly after, sent home with her husband and hospice care. Every time I saw that quilt in Emily's room, I prayed for Dorothy.

And on May 12, 2010, God called Dorothy Home! Now every time I see that quilt, I feel Homesick. I know that she is with the Lord. I know that she believed in Jesus and confessed that she was a sinner, and asked Him to forgive her sins. And I know that He did. I know that Jesus' blood had washed her clean and that because of that she is Home with her Father! And I know that she would want people to know that they can have that relationship as well.

(And here's a picture of Emily and her quilt...we captured her first smile on it when she was exactly 1 month old!)

"Sugar Plum
sewn & quilted by
Dorothy Fett
to welcome
Emily Joy
into the Heckman family
born May 30, 2009"

"Mini Wheats", Formerly Known as "Frosted"

2010-04-20T08:47:00.003-05:00

I've been sitting down doing my morning ritual on facebook. Farming a little. Chatting with Mom. Leaving a labor tip on my cousin's wall. Being anxious for her little girl to arrive (it's getting harder and harder to come up with a labor tip of the day)! All the while playing with Emily.

As I headed in to the kitchen to get breakfast for the girls, I could hear the crinkling of the cereal bag. There on the table were 9 pieces of Frosted Mini-Wheats. Rachel had been helping herself. Taking 1 piece out of the bag, nibbling off the frosted side and leaving the other half lying on the table.

If only life were that easy. If only we could just nibble off the good stuff and toss the rest aside.

Of course, that only sounds like a good idea! Where would we be if we could opt out of anything in life we didn't care for?

Avoiding anything unpleasant or painful would be nice. But missing out on what God has planned would not be worth it in the end. The beauty He brings from ashes. The message that He shares through our messes. A closer walk with Him. A deeper trust. An intimate relationship with Him. A greater understanding of who He is. The list goes on and on.

I am so thankful that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." (Romans 8:28)

(Also, I am thankful that Rachel was leaving her nibbled cereal on the table and not putting them back in the bag.)

I Have Nothing to Say

2010-04-19T10:46:00.002-05:00

Sort of.

Not really.

I have plenty to say. I just can't seem to put any of it on a page.

I thought I'd just sit down and start to write anything and maybe I'd end up writing something.

Obviously, it is not working out like I'd hoped.

I got nothin'.

My thoughts are everywhere and I feel like the dogs in the movie "Up" yelling "SQUIRREL!" in middle of a conversation.

I love that movie.

Anyway.

Still nothing.

So, what topics are racing around in my mind and heart?

Let's see.

There's a dear friend from church who is home from the hospital. With hospice care. I hate that. If it's her time I just wish God would come grab her right now, so she could skip the pain and just get to the part where she meets Jesus!

She gets to meet Jesus soon!!! Well, that is not going to help me write...that just leaves me speechless.

"SQUIRREL!"

Gary and I are discussing homeschooling next year. I don't like making decisions. I want to have the decision made so I can just be at peace with whatever it is. I'm so worried about making a mistake. Taking them out when I shouldn't or leaving them in public school when I shouldn't. Sigh.

"SQUIRREL!"

Emily is walking. In just over a month she'll be ONE! It just doesn't seem possible. At all. I go back and forth between not wanting her to be growing so fast and being excited to celebrate her first year on May 30. As soon as Rachel's birthday party was over (March 28) I started planning Emily's cake :o). I still haven't decided. I have too many ideas! The first and second birthday cakes are my favorite because I get to decide what they will be! Once they hit 3 then they tell me what they want on their cake...which is equally as fun but the artist in me likes the opportunity to do my own thing! Rachel, this year, wanted a princess castle. That was a blast!

"SQUIRREL!

I am typing this on Gary's laptop. I love it but I can't type well on this thing. Makes me nuts.

Or just more nuts.

VBS is coming up in June and I'm so excited to be doing crafts again. We always have so much fun. AWANA is ending in two weeks...oh! I had the opportunity to pray with a little boy to accept Jesus!!! How cool is that? I love this kid!

Speaking of kids, I also get to start teaching sunday school again. I took a year off when Emily was born. I've been enjoying being a part of the adult class but I've missed the preschoolers.

I've rambled on and now Emily is up from her morning nap. But I also know what I want to write about that has been on my heart lately.

"I feel you. I hear you. Great God unseen, I see you."

More on that later.

I hope.

A Look Inside My Mind

2010-02-03T12:31:00.002-06:00

Can a thought process cause whiplash?

I'm pretty sure the answer is "yes!"

Last night Gary and I had a, let's call it a discussion. I'll bite my tongue (and keyboard) and stop myself from pouring all the details onto this page for others to read. But you can be sure that if I did, it would be clear that I was right and he is wrong. Which is, of course, one of the many reasons I am not going to do that.

The topic and details of our disagreement are between us. Our marriage has survived so much worse. We will eventually compromise, or agree to disagree, or just move on until it comes up again or becomes irrelevant. Somehow, it will be resolved.

Our argument lasted only a few minutes. But my mind kept it alive for so much longer.

It replayed in my head and the longer it played the more I convinced myself that I was indeed right, thus making him, wrong. I'm sure you can relate. I can't possibly be the only one who does this! But God wasn't going to let me get away with it.

I would catch myself heading full speed down this selfish path. It led to "why me?"'s and "I can't believe he"'s.

BRAKES!

And I turned my thoughts to God as I talked to Him instead of my flesh. This led to "forgive me"'s and "God, how should I"'s.

But my flesh just wouldn't be quiet and my thoughts would slowly accelerate toward a path the Spirit did NOT want me to take. Full speed ahead! Then...

BRAKES!

This went on all night. Well, except while I was sleeping. Which wasn't all that much. (Emily's teething so we're having 2am parties lately!)

I feel like I'm a passenger in a driver's ed car. You know, with the extra brake pedal? I'm glad I have access to the brakes but why have I given my flesh the accelerator and steering wheel? She cannot be trusted with these!

The path my flesh will take will always lead to destruction. Which is kind of funny when you consider that my flesh is always selfish and yet constantly does things that are not good for me!

So today I am recovering from my whiplash and spending time with God. I'm praying for my attitude. I'm praying for Gary's. I'm praying for our marriage and family and for unity on our current issue. I'm praying that in all of this, our goal remains to glorify God and not gratify our selves.

And that's a look inside my mind!

Aren't you glad you peeked?

Dear Proverbs 31 Woman,

2010-01-23T07:49:00.000-06:00

How did you do it all?

Oh, wait.

You had servant girls.

Nevermind.

About a "Blank"

2010-01-22T21:09:00.004-06:00

13 days.

That is how long Rachel's favorite "blank" has been missing.

It's gone missing before but we've always known where it could be found. For example, we knew it was in the house somewhere. Or we knew we left it at church.

This time?

I know that it is gone forever.

We had gone to the bowling alley to drop Garrett off at a party. Then to Michael's and on to the library. And finally back to the bowling alley to pick up Garrett.

I have checked with each place and torn the van apart. I even walked the aisles of Michael's checking behind things on shelves.

I was absolutely sick over it. The thought that we would never have it back crushed me.

Her "blank" went everywhere that she did. It was with her when she went in for her surgery. It was made out of the fabric and binding that Garrett had chosen for her when I was pregnant with her. And in the last almost 4 years, it has become a part of her.

I have prayed about this missing "blank."

And God answered with a sweet reminder that I have my little girl. I cried thinking about the mom's who are holding baby blankets and missing sweet babies.

So. The "blank" is gone. It stinks. But I have my little girl.

With a new focus and great peace, I dug through my fabric bin and found the scrap I had left of the original material. We headed out today on a mission. We stopped for a happy meal with Grandma first and then hit the fabric section of Walmart. Why Walmart? Well, that's where the original fabric came from and a little piece of my heart was hoping they would still have it.

They didn't.

But that's okay.

Here's a summary of our shopping trip.

Red thread: $1.49

Blanket Binding: $3.98

1/2 yard of the fabric Rachel chose: $1.49

Making a replacement "blank" while my girl looked on: PRICELESS!

My New Cardio Workout and Heart Chart

2010-01-21T14:13:00.002-06:00

This morning a friend picked Rachel up for our Thursday playgroup. Emily and I spent a lazy couple of hours just hanging out and then she almost took a morning nap for me. She didn't, of course, probably because she was afraid I would be lonely. She's thoughtful like that.

So, with my little shadow following, I attempted to get some cleaning done. I organized papers. She tried to eat one. I dusted and cleaned the computer desk. She tried to eat the dust cloth. I swept the kitchen, the entryway, and the computer room. She tried to eat everything I swept up.

Anymore, she is quite fast! Sweeping has become a sport. As soon as she sees the broom in my hand, the race is on. Today, it occurred to me that I have to sweep so fast to stay ahead of her that I'm really getting a workout!

So, if you ask me if I have been exercising lately, I will answer "yes!" I got a cardio workout just this morning.

Also this morning, I took the time to finally hang our "Heart Chart" up on the wall.

What's a "Heart Chart?"

I'm so glad you asked.

One thing that I find difficult about raising 5 kids is that if I'm not careful, I can spend an entire day being negative. Someone is always in trouble. Or about to be. Sometimes, the good that one child is doing gets overlooked because at the moment I'm prying a weapon from Rachel's hand. (And by "weapon" I mean, whatever toy it is that she is using to beat on Garrett.)

In an effort to make sure I focus on praising good behavior and not just on the discipline, I created what Aidan has named, "The Heart Chart."

It's just a simple piece of poster board with a Bible verse and many, many hand drawn hearts. Together we memorize the verse. The first few charts were verses related to how God asks us to treat each other. The verse we are memorizing now is Deuteronomy 5:16 "Honor your father and your mother as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and it will go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you."

Then when Gary and I "catch" one of the kids doing something that honors us, we point it out and praise them for it. Then they get a sticker to place over one of the hearts.

When all of the hearts have been covered with stickers, and everyone can say the verse from memory, the whole family gets a reward. This time, the reward we are looking forward to is a night at the movie theater!

I like that we have something that keeps us focused on the positive. I like that we have something that draws attention to good deeds. In a house with 5 kids it is too easy for negative behavior to become the easiest way to get attention. I also like that they are learning that the rules we have for them are not our rules, but God's.

You're Gonna Miss This...Moment...#5

2010-01-11T09:09:00.005-06:00

I've decided to spend a few more minutes avoiding work around the house and play along with Pam's blog carnival! Check out her blog to see what other moms are going to miss!

For me, I have been enjoying making baby food again. It's so yummy and colorful! And this time around will probably be my last so I'm definitely enjoying it. Soon, Emily will be asking for mac-n-cheese and swedish pancakes with everyone else.

I'm gonna miss this...

New Week's Resolution

2010-01-11T08:21:00.002-06:00

Yes, "week's."

I have never been real big on New Year's resolutions. (I'm not even very big on celebrating "New Years"...I'm more of the "woo-hoo...can I go to bed now?" kind of girl, though I love any excuse to hang out with family and friends and this year we were blessed to have friends over on New Year's Eve as they passed through town!)

I think the last time I made a New Year's resolution was New Year's Eve 2001. I declared that in the year 2002 I was going to get in shape. Instead, I took a pregnancy test and, well, I did get into a shape...round.

So this year, I once again, did not make a New Year's resolution.

But I still have goals. And I really do want to achieve them.

So. I'm going to make new week's resolutions this year. Attainable baby steps.

The last time I tried to read through the Bible in a year, I made it through September. I was so close. Actually I quit when morning sickness started.

My goal this time is to read through the Old Testament in a year and study the New Testament.

Gary and I had listened to a John MacArthur sermon where he talked about reading a New Testament book each day for 30 days to really learn it and be familiar with it and know it. We are starting with 1 John in January. And Gary counted up all the chapters of the Old Testament and figured out if you read 4 chapters a day you can finish in a year (or just under). I've decided to try to read 5 chapters a day because I know full well that there are days I will miss. It's just going to happen.

So. My New Week's Resolutions for this week are:

Be in the Word 4 mornings this week. (Baby steps, remember?)
Clean out my refrigerator and 1 closet.
Paint something.

Happy New Week everyone!

A Review and a Preview

2010-01-04T10:05:00.002-06:00

Another year behind us. Another year stretches out before us.

It's easy to miss all of the changes happening gradually right before my eyes. But here in the early days of a new year I can look back over the last 365 days and am amazed by all that last year brought us.

A year ago, Gary and I were beginning 2009 with a marriage restored. We started the year wondering. Wondering who the new little one would be that was due to be born into our family in June. Wondering how God planned to use us to help others who were walking through the same struggles He had brought us through.

And here I sit, looking back over 2009. That new little one is of course, Emily, who is laughing at her toys just a few feet from me now. Born, not in June, but in May. On my mother's birthday! And boy did God have plans! Gary and I both became closer to a couple we had known who separated early in 2009. We were blessed to be a part of the church family that rallied around both of them and lifted them up in prayer, and then rejoiced with them as their walk with God grew and their marriage was restored! God also brought couples into our lives that are still struggling in their relationships. And we continue to fight with them to keep satan from destroying any more homes.

With Emily's arrival the end of May, I chose to take a year off from serving in the preschool sunday school. And was blessed to be able to spend the sunday school hour with Gary in the ABF (adult bible fellowship) where he was given the opportunity to teach 4 of the lessons. As we enter this new year, Gary is teaching the January lessons from the Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn. And I'm looking forward to starting teaching again in June. I was working with 3 year olds and hope to stay with that age! I am also very excited about our winter women's bible study starting in February. I always love our bible studies. We have the greatest godly women at our church who are willing to lead us younger women! This next study I've invited 2 of my neighbors to join me for a new Mom's study! It will be focused on what God's word has to say about being a wife and mother and will be much lighter on the homework than the normal studies. I love a good Beth Moore bible study but I've got to be honest...adding Emily to my day has made my life quite full!

On the kid front, last year Aly finished her last year as an elementary student. She started her summer becoming a big sister...again! And in the fall, she walked through the doors of the middle school. (Let me pause to shed a tear or two.) She got a new sweatshirt and a computer mouse on Christmas morning and was happy enough with her gifts...and then as we were cleaning up, the Christmas tree rang. Her first phone call on her first cell phone! (One more pause for tears. Okay.) I think 12 is way too young for a cell phone...but when we stopped to consider what a great thing it will be to threaten to take away when she's in trouble, and the fact that it doesn't cost us more each month and the phone was only $30...it was the perfect time!

In 2010, my little girl who first made me a mom, will become an official teenager! Yikes! Who knows what else God has in store for her this year!

Aidan spent the first half of last year surviving 2nd grade. Let me first say that I liked, and still do like, his 2nd grade teacher very much. That being said, it was not a good year for Aidan. Many prayers were said for him and especially over the summer as we waited to hear who is teacher would be for 3rd grade. And God greatly blessed him with our favorite teacher of all time (Aly had her in 3rd grade as well)! He wrapped up the year 2009 maturing and excelling in school. He is taking piano lessons and working so very hard to master his skateboard and the new snowboard he got this Christmas.

In 2010, my little man will turn double digits! He will soon find out if the artwork he drew will be chosen from among the 14 finalists as the design for the school yearbook cover! And come fall, he will leave behind his first elementary school to enter 4th grade!

Garrett was a half-day kindergartner when 2009 started and a full-day 1st grader when it ended. His Kindergarten teacher adored him and he had a wonderful year! His 1st grade year has started off just the same! I do miss our afternoons with him :o(. I am so grateful that our school district was still half-day kindergarten in 09. He adores his new baby sister and can always get a smile or laugh from her!

In 2010 Garrett will finally be old enough to go to summer camp. Just a half week this year but he can't wait! The kids have gone to the same camp I went to when I was a kid. Last year, however, no one went. The money wasn't there and Miss Emily was due the week that camp would have been. It wasn't meant to be. But 2010 should see 3 happy campers!

Rachel had a very big year in 2009. She turned 3 and got a big girl bed. She got her first opportunity (and only!) to be a big sister! She started the year dancing with a "princess" at my cousins wedding and ended the year beating the family at Wii boxing :o) She worked on colors, numbers, and started her letters for home school preschool. I'm still not decided if I want to sign her up for pre-school screening in February. It makes me a little nervous but I'm curious to see if she's where they think she should be. I've got a little more time to decide.

What 2010 has in store for Rachel is not the question. The question is what does Rachel have in store for 2010!

And our littlest family member. She wasted half of last year growing in the womb. She's making up for that though! She let us know that she was a girl on Gary's mom's birthday. Grandma Karen would have loved her! And loved that we gave her the name Emily (she had really wanted us to use the name Emily!)! Emily was due on my birthday, born on my mom's birthday, in room number 201...her daddy's birthday! She's a pretty special little girl! She started rolling around the room and pulling herself forward before she turned 5 months old! She started officially crawling and sitting herself up the next month. She's got things to do, places to go and apparently didn't get the memo that, as my last baby, she is supposed to slow down and let me enjoy her infancy a little bit longer! She got lots of cute jammies, and her first baby doll for Christmas. And Santa brought her hair clips which she desperately needed!

In 2010 she will be walking. And I guess she decided that she'd better get right on that because she took her first steps, holding on to me and the towels I was folding, on January 2nd! She desperately wants to enroll herself in Stair Climbing 101 but I keep kicking her out of that class. She will celebrate her first birthday this year and if we get to actually enjoy some hot summer weather (unlike 2009) then I'm looking forward to introducing her to our pool!

Well, that's enough looking back and looking ahead. Right now, I need to pack up Candy Land and bundle a couple girls up to go grocery shopping. That's what lies ahead in our immediate future :o)

In Search of That Perfect Gift

2009-12-24T09:40:00.002-06:00

I love giving gifts. The perfect gift. And there are two kinds of perfect gifts.

First there is the "I always wanted one of these" gifts. Someone you love has shared with you something that they wish they had. You spend the entire month of December walking the aisles of local stores and searching the Internet. And you find it. Exactly what they asked for. Exactly what they wanted. You wrap it up and place it under the tree and get giddy every time you think about it. You can't wait to give it.

And when they open their gift, it's hard to tell who's more excited about it. Them or you?

Take Rachel for example. She's been asking for one thing this year. "A pink heart just like Lexi." Apparently, our neighbor girl has a pink heart hair clip...that I have never seen! If I had been able to find this "pink heart just like Lexi" it would have fallen into this category of perfect gifts.

I could not.

I'll get over it. And so will Rachel, I'm sure.

But I so wanted to give that gift.

On to the other perfect gift.

Have you ever known someone so well that you knew exactly what they needed even though they them self did not? This is the "I didn't even know they made these!" or "I never would have thought of this!" gift.

This comes with the added anxiousness of wondering "will they really like it?" But oh the perfection of being able to give a loved one the very thing they need but wouldn't have known to ask for!

I have been on the receiving end of this type of perfect gift.

One night, long before I was born, I was given a gift. And that gift was wrapped in swaddling cloths and laid in a manger. And His birth announcement filled the sky and announced His arrival to those the world would have called "no one special." And they went to see Him. This gift that changed everything.

I never would have known to ask for a Savior.

But He came.

And He came for you too.

Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus

¹In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ²(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³And everyone went to his own town to register.

⁴So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

The Shepherds and the Angels

⁸And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. ¹¹Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ^a]">[a] the Lord. ¹²This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

¹³Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
¹⁴"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

¹⁵When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

¹⁶So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Our New Christmas Tradition

2009-12-20T23:15:00.002-06:00

Can I call it a "tradition" if I just decided to do this, just started tonight and feel that I will want to do this every year?

Yes, I believe I can.

So, I will.

Anyway, I love Christmas cookies. I love baking them, decorating them, eating them. I love making them myself, with friends, or with the kids. I love them.

What I do not love is chaos, whining, pleading, and tantrums while attempting to make cookies. I don't know about anyone else's kids but when mine find out I'm baking they swarm the kitchen and everyone wants to "help" with something. It gets a little overwhelming.

This weekend I decided we would do cookies differently this year.

So, yesterday I explained to the kids that they would each go through our cookie recipe book and choose a cookie they wanted to make with me. Tonight was Aly's turn to bake. Just the two of us. She had picked out sugar cookies on sticks dipped in almond bark and decorated with royal icing. Start to finish it was all Aly. No arguing over turns. No complaining about turns. It was wonderful!

The cookies turned out adorable and I was so glad that we had that time together. It ended up being a really fun cookie to make but a lot of work. It was fun to be able to experiment without the stress of a large crowd!

Tomorrow night, Aidan and I will attempt to make candy cane cookies. Tuesday I get to make chocolate mint layered fudge with Garrett. And Wednesday Rachel and I will make our favorite cut-out cookies for Santa. I'll let Rachel do a couple herself and then I'll have some fun on my own when she goes to bed. I'll save a couple for the older kids to decorate on Christmas Eve morning.

My hope is that since everyone has an opportunity to bake their own cookies, they won't mind when I make a couple other cookies on my own! (It goes a little quicker that way.) And by Christmas we'll have quite a selection of yummy treats!

You Must Check Out This Giveaway...

2009-12-18T10:46:00.002-06:00

...but let me win! :o)

MckMama is giving away Lightroom 2 and her friend, Grammie Mommy is giving away Photoshop! Check out their blogs and leave them a comment for your own chance to win!

How is it?

2009-12-18T08:53:00.000-06:00

That just last Christmas I was anxiously waiting for a little someone to kick me in the womb...

...and now she's kneeling in my kitchen pulling toys out of her toy basket?

When It Doesn't Look Good

2009-12-02T09:44:00.003-06:00

I have used the word "overwhelmed" quite a bit lately.

Lack of sleep, and all the work that goes along with having a pre-teen daughter, 2 young boys, Rachel, and a new baby will do that, I suppose.

Somehow I managed to run the VBS craft area for 140 kids when Emily was just 6 weeks old (not by myself, of course, I had lots of wonderful help!). It was a blast and I don't remember feeling overwhelmed. Busy, yes! Tired, yes! Overwhelmed? No.

So why have I struggled so much lately?

My Mom reminded me of Psalm 46:10.

"Be still and know that I am God."

That week at VBS, I knew I was right where God wanted me to be. I knew that He would give me what I needed to do what He asked of me. I knew that He was God. I never felt that I had to do any of it myself. He is God. He is in control. He will provide.

I look around and see that I am right where He wants me to be. This day is the day He has given me.

We are in the middle of several big projects here. We are building 2 sets of bunk beds and in the next few days we will be emptying out the kids' rooms so their new carpeting can be installed. I've been letting the current state of our house overwhelm and frustrate me. Last night, I got still and knew that He is God.

And He showed me something in all of my chaos.

I can make it through this mess because the end will bring the reward of 2 beautiful new rooms!

It will end.

It might get uglier and messier in the process, bit it will end.

He reminded me that this is how He works.

He brings beauty from ashes. He brings refinement from fire.

It does not usually look very appealing when God is working, but I don't want to avoid the unpleasant if it means missing out on His blessings!

Sometimes we can know the beauty we working for. I can picture the bedrooms when they are finished! I suffered through labor pains knowing that I would be meeting the new little life that God had blessed us with!

Sometimes we have to trust. For a year and a half I struggled through a separation from my husband. I did not know when the end would come or what the end would look like. It did not look good. But. I knew that God was working and that the outcome was in His hands. And those are the only hands I want my life to be in!

Top Ten Tuesday

2009-12-01T14:39:00.002-06:00

It has been ages since I have written a "Top Ten Tuesday" post. Since Emily has decided that I am not supposed to be in the garage sanding wood for bunk beds, and because I'm sick of doing laundry, I'm going to blog!

So, I present to you the Top Ten things to do at 3am!

10) Look at the house and consider doing some cleaning while everyone (except Emily, of course) is sleeping!

9) Look at the kitchen and consider just focusing your cleaning efforts on the kitchen.

8) Look in the fridge and decide to have the last piece of pecan pie instead.

7) Sit on the floor with a sweet baby girl (and a rich piece of pie) and ponder all of the things you want to accomplish during the day.

6) Ponder your to-do list just long enough to realize that you will be extremely sleep-deprived when the sun comes up and will never have the energy to accomplish said list.

5) Try to convince a happy little girl to sleep instead of practicing to be able to sit up!

4) Give up trying to convince a happy little girl to sleep and just play with her instead.

3) Feed that sweet, happy baby girl who is finally done playing and ready for a snack.

2) Watch the early morning news and cry when they talk about the many troops leaving for Afghanistan. (And then, of course, start praying for the many husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters departing and all of the loved ones they are leaving behind!)

1) Think about how desperately you want to be sleeping!!!

Happy Tuesday!

Not Me Monday!

2009-11-30T17:48:00.002-06:00

I was not going to play along today, but....

I just have to say that it was totally not me that just rushed into the kitchen, put a pot of water on the front burner, turned the back burner on, and then rushed back out to finish the project of bringing the boys dressers downstairs. Nope.

So, it was not me that just extinguished a flaming turkey painting and 2 (yes, there was not 1 but 2!) burner covers.

Yeah, dinner smells delicious...or not.

Play along or just enjoy all of the other Not Me confessions over at MckMama's blog!

The Ugly Side of Thankfulness

2009-11-27T10:20:00.002-06:00

I was thinking, yesterday, about all of the things I am thankful for. Imagine that.

I feel so very blessed. I had wanted to sit down and just write out all of my blessings. I started the list in my head.

I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for the relationship I have with my Mom. I'm thankful that we are healthy, that we have a warm home and food on the table. I'm thankful for our church family.

As the list continued to grow I realized that my thankfulness goes so much deeper than the obvious blessings in my life.

I have thankfulness in the ugliness too.

So, I'm skipping the usual sappy-Hallmark-card-side of thankfulness. I'm going to share the ugly side of thankfulness.

When my 12 year old is acting like a fool and then becomes shockingly disrespectful...I am thankful for a God that will show me my sin that I can repent and accept His forgiveness.

When my 7 year old is throwing a diaper bag and burying his head into a chair over...are you ready for this? One dollar. I am thankful for a God who is patient with me and has chosen to love me unconditionally.

When I try to get things done with 2 hands instead of one (read: when I put Emily down for 2 seconds) and my sweet little 6 month old girl gets sad, I am thankful for a God who is always with me.

When I have to spank my 3 year old for climbing into the new dryer (which she told me was "hot and cozy") I am thankful for a God who is our protector.

When I watch my 8 year old loose his temper all the way to his room, and then hear something heavy hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs, I am thankful that Jesus took my place that I can enjoy God's love instead of His wrath.

When I look at my marriage and see that our little family has a wonderful Spiritual leader, I remember when it didn't. And I'm thankful for a God who reconciles relationships. Not just my relationship with my husband, but more importantly, our relationship with our God.

I want everyone to know the God I know. The God who created this universe. Created us. The God is so holy that He cannot be in the presence of sin. Who chose to send His Son to die in our place. If we believe that Jesus is God's Son, that He came and died and rose again, and if we confess that we are sinners in need of a Savior, if we ask God to forgive us...He does.

I am thankful for a relationship with my Creator. My God. My Savior.

Can you say that too?

Farewell Old Friend

2009-11-25T08:07:00.002-06:00

We will miss you. You were a very special part of this family. I remember when we chose you. We were just a little family of 3 back then. Over the years we've grown and you just kept up with all of us. Never complaining when every couple of years we added a whole new wardrobe to your work load. That's how I knew you were not well. The moaning was so unlike you. You always smelled so good but now? You smell of burnt toast. That just can't be good. So, it is time. If you weren't so big, I'd bury you out back next to Buster. But that would be ridiculous.

Today, the men will come with your replacement and take you away. I hope you will not be hurt that we are replacing you so soon. You'd better not be hurt, you left me with 2 wet loads of laundry, what do you expect me to do? There are 7 people in this family! We have to have dry clothes, we can't just go around naked you know!

Anyway...

Farewell, old friend!
Thank you for your 10 years of service!

Just Some Thoughts

2009-11-23T22:07:00.003-06:00

We have been blessed to have avoided the flu bug that went around recently. Was it the dreaded H1N1? Seasonal flu? Who knows. I do know that our schools experienced insanely high numbers of absences just a few weeks ago.

I am thankful that we did not get the flu. However. The cold that we passed around our family was awful. It lingered for weeks, just making everybody feel miserable. On top of not feeling well, our house was, well, not pretty. Well, pretty trashed, maybe. It was not good. Not good at all.

Today I woke up feeling good! And I realized, at 11, when I had accomplished quite a bit, that I have been sick for the last 3 weeks! This was an amazing revelation. I had not once considered that I was sick and needed to rest and that the house would get put back together when I felt well again. I had been feeling like a failure for not being able to keep a clean house.

What a relief it was to let go of that feeling of failure. Why, oh why, didn't I do it sooner?

And now that I am back to feeling well, another member of the family has fallen ill.

My dryer.

He's not well. Of all the chores that I accomplished today, laundry was not one of them. I managed to wash 2 loads of laundry. But the first load is still in the dryer. I vacuumed and checked the outside vent tonight after Awanas and now (after I blog, of course) I will see whether or not my poor dryer is feeling up to drying my towels.

Several quick prayers were said today that went something like this, "God, please don't let my dryer die!" And sometimes just "God please?" It got me thinking about prayer. There's not a thing wrong with those quick emergency prayers and God wants us to come to Him with everything, even small things. But is that all my prayer life is?

There have been seasons of my life when that was the only communication I had with God. My relationship with Him was nothing more than me running to Him when something went wrong. He gave me a picture of my prayer life years ago during one of those seasons.

I was watering one of my houseplants. I think I only had 2 of them (for reasons you will know in just a moment). I had noticed it was wilting, so I filled a large cup with water and fed my starving plant. And that was the only time I ever watered my plants...when they began to wither. And the truth is, they were starving even before I could see them withering. Just like my prayer life. Those plants needed to be watered daily not just when I could see them withering. I needed communication with my God daily (or hourly!) not just when something went wrong.

And my communication needed to be so much more than just simply a wish list. He taught us how to pray in Matthew 6:9-13.

⁹"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹Give us today our daily bread.
¹²Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'

We need to praise Him. We need to thank Him. We need to confess our sins and seek forgiveness. We need to seek His will. And we need to come to Him with our needs.

If we only come to Him with our needs, do we really have a relationship with Him?

UPDATE: My dryer is alive and well! Thank you God! And apparently I was very tired last night when I wrote this post..."Just Some Thoughts"? That's the best title I could come up with? I love coming up with titles. I could have done better. Oh, well.

You're Gonna Miss This...Moment...#4

2009-11-22T14:13:00.003-06:00

I'm a day late for this blog carnival, but I love playing along and don't do it often enough. So, better late than never!

This year, I am homeschooling Rachel for preschool. As crazy as it is to have 5 kids I am definitely enjoying our time together. Just me and the littlest girls. On top of being very exhausting, Rachel is a very entertaining girl. So when I think of things that I will miss someday, all my time with Rachel definitely tops the list.

On Thursday, we shopped with Grandma for carpeting. Being part monkey, Rachel was enjoying climbing out of the cart at Lowes. Fortunately, her Grandma was right there to teach her a valuable life lesson. "This floor is concrete and if you fall you will crack and bleed from your nose and your head..." Well, it went something like that, maybe not word for word.

Later in the day, she and Garrett were playing at the park while we waited to pick Aidan up from piano lessons. They had both climbed to the top of the rock climbing wall and Garrett informed me that I needed to help her get back down. As I stood at the bottom and directed her what to do so that I could get her safely down, she informed me that "I can't go down all by myself, I'll crack and bleed."

On Saturday, we shopped for bunk bed lumber at Home Depot. I had Rachel in the cart but I turned my back and when I turned back around she was standing on the floor looking proud and stating, "Look! I didn't bleed out my nose!"

Did I mention she's part monkey?

But the best little Rachelism from last week was on the way to pick Aidan up. We commented on how gorgeous the sunset was. The sun was a brilliant orange ball in the sky and half covered by a cloud. I said to the kids, "Isn't God amazing?" And Rachel asked, "God did that?" When I told her yes, God did that, she thought for a moment and asked, "with a ladder?"

If you want to join this blog carnival, or just want to read about the moments other moms are going to miss, check out Pam's blog!

Just What This Mom Needed

2009-11-20T18:17:00.002-06:00

We had school conferences last night. Just to keep a long story short, I'll recap the evening in numbers.

1 evening.
2 different schools.
3 conference times.
4 books to find and buy at the book fair.
5 kids in tow.
6 near meltdowns.
and
7 ice cream cones to celebrate the end of a busy, stressful, full of fun evening!*

*Yes, I realize that we only needed 6 ice cream cones because Emily can't have one yet. The extra cone had to do with the 1 actual meltdown that I did not list with the 6 near meltdowns. And that's all you need to know.

And the teacher's comments?

Well to sum up:

Aidan? His teacher loves him! Which is such a nice thing to hear after being warned for the last 3 years that there is concern that he'll become a class clown. But don't take that wrong...we have loved all of his teachers but Aidan has a big personality and a great sense of humor, he's just been lacking the maturity to handle it :o). His grades are wonderful, as they always are, and his behavior has been too! That was an excellent way to start the evening!

Aly? Her teachers love her! She has adjusted to life in middle school just great and has even begun to improve on the things she struggled with a bit in 4th and 5th grade! Aly's struggle has been that until 4th grade, school was easy. She just never needed to truly work. This year she has really started to show self-motivation and has been willing to put forth more effort. I was very happy with how Aly is doing!

Garrett? Well, I wasn't worried a bit about what I would hear from his teacher...until she opened with, "I've been a teacher for a lot of years..." I got a little nervous! But she was only making the point that she has had lots of experience sizing kids up at the beginning of the year and Garrett completely surprised her! In a good way...whew! He is doing so well and really showing off how smart he is! I was so proud! I also took the opportunity to let her know that when he comes to school with the same pants on several days in a row, that it is only because I have to pick my battles and that one is just not worth it! She agreed. So we're good.

Rachel? Her teacher just adores her and loves all of the "Rachelisms" she hears on a daily basis. So much so that she posts them on facebook for all to enjoy. Oh, I should mention that I'm homeschooling her :o). Concerns? That's a whole other post...or book...if you know Rachel. It would be nice if she would put on a little weight so that we don't have problems like we did last night. As she ran across the lawn to the book fair, her jeans fell down around her ankles. But she just kept running! Thank goodness it was dark out.

Emily? Well, she's just the cutest little baby there is. Everyone falls in love with Emily! Three weeks ago she started pulling herself around the room and now she is rocking on her hands and knees! I'm not quite ready for all of that, she's not even 6 months old yet! And the hair. I so love her hair! But what to do with it? I'm at a loss. She looked adorable with a fountain on top of her sweet little head but it only lasts until nap time so I haven't bothered doing that again.

Well, that pretty much wraps our hectic, hurried, humor-filled, just what this mom needed, night.

I love my kids!

And a special thank you to Grandma for the ice cream cones! :o)

Dear Emily,

2009-11-18T10:02:00.002-06:00

We really need to talk. As you know, I can not resist your sweet smile. I find you irresistible. And your pitiful cry gets me every time and I just have to hold you close.

But from 3 til 5 in the morning? Really? Is this necessary?

Here's the thing. This schedule isn't working for me.

First, I don't mind getting up with you in the wee hours. Really. I actually enjoy our time together, just you and me. But I can not start my day at 3 so I have to go back to sleep.

Now, I've been trying to make this work. I've been hanging out with you until you fall back to sleep at 5 and then going back to bed myself. But you are not an only child. You need to think of your brothers and sisters. To be honest, they are starting to get tired of me running into their rooms at 7:10 yelling "I over-slept! Get up! You're going to be late!" And I would really prefer to feed them a nice breakfast at the table instead of throwing pop-tarts at them as they are running down the driveway to catch the bus.

Okay, so I'm being a little over dramatic, and I don't remember the last time I bought pop tarts, but let's not change the subject.

I'm putting my foot down, young lady. No more staying up til 5. Here's how it's going to be, I will feed you at 3 and you will go back to sleep at 3:45. Okay?

And yes. I am totally bluffing. I will cuddle you whenever you ask, sweet girl....but could you consider changing up your schedule? Just a little?

With Love,
Mom

p.s. About this hands and knees business you've started...I'm really not ready for you to be crawling. I'm still having a hard time with the fact that you started pulling yourself around the room before you were even 5 months old. Well, we can talk about that later.

Not Me Monday!

2009-11-16T08:03:00.004-06:00

I haven't played this in quite awhile so I thought it would be fun! MckMama over at My Charming Kids hosts this and it's fun to read what other mom's are not doing. Head over there and check it out...well, if you don't mind, read mine first.

Last week, I absolutely did not agree to watch my friends kids on Friday (there was no school here) and not ask what time she would be picking them up. That would have been foolish because my boys had dentist appointments at 2. So, I did not panic at 1 and call a friend to take Aly because 7 kids is 1 too many for my van. Nope. (Of course, if I had done that God would have taken care of all of the details, as He tends to do, and my friend would have picked her kids up at the dentist and when we were done we would have met my other friend at the store we were planning to go to anyway, and pick up Aly there...God is so good.)

And last night, I was not doing the happy dance because my new bedtime routine for the kids went so swimmingly that by 9 Emily had been fed, Aly had helped Rachel get ready for bed, I had read Rachel a bedtime story and she was asleep! The boys had quiet time reading in their beds while all this was happening and then I spent some time talking to them and saying our bedtime prayer. Aly then stayed up later and realized that she should have listened to me earlier when I told her to get her homework done because it would have been more fun to stay up late if she didn't have to do her homework...imagine that, mom was right.

It was not me being ecstatic over this new routine because, of course, I am so organized that I have had a bedtime routine all along. I have not been letting Rachel stay up til...whenever, and sleep...wherever since before Emily was born. Not me! And I have not been so overwhelm and under organized that a routine at bedtime has fallen by the wayside. Nope. Having little miss #5 has been a breeze and I have been Super Mom. Or not.

Hop on over to MckMama's blog and play along!

Exhibit A

2009-11-11T14:25:00.002-06:00

Proof that Rachel is having no issues what-so-ever, sharing her things with Emily. None. Really.

(And that was a 6/9 month snowsuit. I'm guessing it's at least a 12 month now :o)

A Little Dusting

2009-11-11T11:15:00.002-06:00

So. It's been awhile. I've been a terrible blogger. Which is fine because I'm not really a "blogger."

I've also been a terrible housekeeper these days. And really, that's fine too. Because I'm not really a "housekeeper."

So. Who am I?

I am sinner saved by grace seeking to serve her Savior.

So. It's okay if I neglect my blog sometimes. It's okay if housework falls by the wayside.

But. I have not been in the Word lately. And that is terrible!

So. I'm doing some dusting.

I'm thoroughly cleaning my house. Motivated by the fact that we desperately need to start building a couple of bunk beds or Emily will never get to move across the hall to the girl's room. (Which I am totally conflicted about, by the way...what happened to my newborn baby girl?)

I'm dusting the cobwebs off my blog. Motivated by the desperate need to write! I love having this record of all that is going on in my home, and in my heart.

But most important, I am cleaning out all of the excuses from my vocabulary and returning to a daily quiet time with my God. In His Word. Right where I am supposed to be.

Martha must retire. It can't all get done anyway.

Mary is ready to sit at Jesus feet again.

1/2 a Score and 2 Years Ago...

2009-08-21T07:28:00.008-05:00

God blessed me with a little bundle who made me a mommy! At 3:30am on Aug. 21, 1997, I woke up to discover that my labor had started. I did want any woman would do and went back to sleep! When I finally did get up, I gave Gary a haircut so he would look nice for pictures (how thoughtful am I?) and he went to work. Really, he did. Hey, he was paid hourly back then and we weren't positive yet that I would be admitted when I went in to see if my water had leaked. In fact, when my mom took me to the hospital at 8am the nurses weren't thinking that I would be admitted either and didn't start the admission process until after 11am when it was confirmed that my water had leaked and my midwife broke my bag to speed things up!

Alison Elizabeth entered this world at 5:07pm! 7lb 5 oz and 21 inches long! It was a beautiful day and I still can't believe God has blessed me so much! I sure don't deserve her...but sometimes I think she does deserve me!

She was adorable then and gets cuter every year! And every year she makes me laugh more and works hard to be more unique. She has no desire to seek popularity, to be like everyone else. Nope, not my girl! Weird is what she wants to be...and she does it well!

Monday, she'll start middle school. I can't believe how fast these 12 years have gone! And what's more amazing is that as much as I love her (which is A LOT!) there is One who loves her more than I ever could. And I pray that as she grows she will choose to have her own relationship with her Savior and live her life to please the Lord. And she can be weird while she does it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALISON!!!

Now, I'm off to make 12 Swedish pancakes and serve her breakfast in bed! (She'd better share!)

(E
dited to correct the title and thank you mom for the lesson in how many years a "score" is!)

Meaningful

2009-07-28T17:30:00.001-05:00

Summer has been a blur. Well, it's not technically over yet, but there are only 4 weeks left until the first day of school. How is it going so fast?

I suppose having had a new baby just 1 week before school let out for the summer has something to do with how fast the days are flying by. It seems like just yesterday I was wondering what day we would be meeting her and at the same time, it seems like she has always been here.

I remember after having our third baby I felt very frustrated in the beginning. Each new day was, well, not a new day. The days all ran together and I could sum them all up like this...wake up, get everyone through the day to bedtime, sleep, wake up, get everyone through the day to bedtime, sleep...you get the picture.

This time around, we have 5. I don't know if my hormones are being kinder to me or maybe I'm just wiser, but everything these days seems deeply meaningful. The task of each day is not just getting to the end of it. It's not just about surviving.

I've loved that the kids have been out of school for these first weeks of Emily's life. I love that they are not missing all the little things. We've had a great balance of being very busy and just hanging out.

We had a blast at VBS a couple weeks ago. I ran the craft station and Emily spent her mornings being loved on in the nursery. She was so good, she only called me away a couple times. We had a record attendance this year and tie-dyed t-shirts with 150 kids! Aidan even prayed to accept Christ at VBS! He said, "I was 90% sure before, but today I was 100% sure." And Rachel loved the preschool VBS, they had I think 60 preschoolers! Just today, Rachel sat at the computer doing the motions to the VBS songs.

For all that I am accomplishing this summer there is plenty falling by the wayside. Like our library summer reading club. We signed up. We've even made a few trips to the library this summer. But we never did set our reading goals. Oh well.

But I'm not worrying about getting everything done. There are things we'll do and things we can't and I just want to make sure that we accomplish what is most meaningful. Eternally meaningful.

God has been stressing to me this summer the importance of praying for my children. Praying that they will draw close to God. Praying that He will reveal to them their need for Him and that they will come to know Him early in this life. Praying that God will reveal to me what each of their needs are because He knows them more than I ever will.

I pray that our days are meaningful.

Even when we are just sitting at home wondering to each other "when do you think Emily's hair will start to lay flat?"

You're Gonna Miss This...Moment...#3

2009-07-04T12:35:00.005-05:00

It's been a long, long, long time since I blogged regularly.

I miss that.

I used to have so many thoughts running through my head that I could not wait til the kids went to bed so I could put them into print.

I miss that.

I used to crawl into bed late at night with my laptop and work on a book I was writing.

I really miss that.

These days?

These days, I rarely blog. Most of the thoughts running through my mind are thoughts like "when did Emily eat last?" and "where is Rachel?" and "what day is it today?"

These days, I crawl into bed late at night with a sweet little girl who needs to eat, and sometimes her 3 year old sister who needs apple juice!

These days are filled by countless diaper changes. Feedings and burpings and figuring out whose turn it is to hold the baby. These days I make meals with one hand and am impressed with myself if I shower before lunch...or at all.

But I have been blessed with baby who likes to sleep at night. From just a few days old she has been in the habit of only waking up hungry once in the night. She has even slept all night a couple of times.

I have been blessed with great kids who fill my days with the awesome responsibility and opportunity to train them up in the way they should go and teach them about the God who gave them to me. In addition to that, they fill my days with much laughter. And we have been filling our days this summer with tie-dying t-shirts. Decorating sugar cookies. Taking Emily to her first movie. Visiting Grandma. Making homemade donuts. Swimming. Watching Emily smile and making her laugh.

These 5 little people have left me with little time for blogging and writing.

And I'm gonna miss this....because they won't stay little for long.

And to read about the moments other bloggers are gonna miss, check out Pam's blog!

Introducing....

2009-06-06T11:17:00.000-05:00

...Emily Joy!!!

Isn't she beautiful?

One week ago, I woke up feeling, well, funny. I really can't explain it but soon after that my water started leaking. Of course, I wasn't sure that it was my water but let's not discuss what the other possibility was. Moving on. So, at 11am I headed to the clinic for my midwife to check me. Gary and the whole clan waited in the waiting room while my midwife confirmed that our little girl was on her way!

The plan was to go home and let things progress and then meet my midwife at the hospital at 8pm. We all headed out to the parking lot to leave and then realized that Rachel had lost the keys to the van! Ten minutes later, we found them under a magazine in the waiting room, and headed to our friend's house to drop the kids off. Gary and I paced around the house and packed a bag to drop off for the kids as everything started to sink in and contractions started to get stronger.

And did I mention that it was my Mom's birthday? I was so excited to be having her on her Grandma's birthday, as was Grandma! Gary and I met my Mom at Culver's for lunch around 1:30 and not only did my Mom get a complimentary birthday custard, but Gary asked if the baby could have hers too, since that day would be her birthday!

We didn't know what to do with ourselves so we walked around CVS and bought her a pacifier and a watch to time contractions. Then we headed to the grocery store and bought a birthday cake. We finally decided to head to the hospital early. And at just after 4 my midwife broke my water to help things along.

Around 8 they decided to hook me up to the monitors and check baby and see where I was at.

Things stopped going slowly then.

At 8:15 she said I was 5cm and said that we would wait a while to see if the contractions started working better and if not we would have to start pitocin.

Then at 8:53, on May 30, our little 8lb 5 oz, 19 1/2 in miracle entered this world!!!!

Oh, and the cord was around her neck, but very loosely.

We thank God for blessing us with our little Emily Joy!!! (Who happens to be in my lap right now, requesting a diaper change.)

Saturday Plans

2009-05-30T11:59:00.002-05:00

Well, Gary is off this Saturday and I was looking forward to spending the day as a family. I had a half lazy, half get stuff done around the house, day planned.

Instead, we're going to go have a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ordained

2009-05-28T10:02:00.000-05:00

"your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:16

(To read the whole chapter)

Ten days! I have been counting down the number of days to June 7 for 8 1/2 months now. But as June 7 approaches (10 days away...in case you didn't catch that!) it is not June 7 that I anticipate anymore.

As I sit here, feeling much too tired to go into labor anytime today :o), the date I am anticipating now, is unknown to me.

My due date was the date set by man. It was the date that in our earthly wisdom we could pinpoint as the time God's miracle would be ready to enter this world.

The date that this little girl will have been growing for 40 weeks is sure. That is just 10 days away!

The date that she will enter this world and I will get to count her toes, kiss her cheeks, and find out who's nose she has...well, that remains a mystery.

But not to God. He has ordained that day. It has been set since before I knew I wanted her.

When I was pregnant with Rachel, we had decided on Monday, March 27, to be induced on Tuesday, March 28. I remember driving to the hospital on that morning and worrying that it wasn't right to choose her birthday. (To clarify...there were several reasons to induce but none were health related, I would not have had that worry if there had been a medical emergency!) Anyway, I mentioned my worry to Gary...what if this isn't the day God had planned? To which he replied, "Then it won't happen today."

Very good point.

And Rachel was born on that day. Not because we chose to induce, but because God had ordained it.

Three years later, here we are anxious to know what day God has ordained for our fifth little one. We are having fun talking about what day we would pick. She could share her Grandma's birthday, or mine. We are planning who to call to take the kids in the middle of the night, or the middle of the day. And getting even more anxious as we learned yesterday that I'm already 3cm and 80% effaced!!!! And we are waiting.

Waiting to see what day is already written in His book! We do know it's soon!

On Your Marks...Get Set...

2009-05-18T11:17:00.002-05:00

...but don't GO just yet!!!

I think it's important to first decide what race you're running. A couple of years ago I was facing a big decision. If you don't know, I don't like decisions. It's probably just me being a chicken, because if someone else decides then it's not my fault if it turns out to be wrong. But moving on...

Gary and I were separated at the time and I had a babysitting opportunity come up. The details of this opportunity are not important now, but let's just say it was a very, very complicated situation.

So, I was faced with a BIG decision. I desperately wanted to do God's will. I desperately wanted to know what that was! I was stressed but I was in prayer.

And God did show me His will. But He did so much more than just show me what direction to take.

He taught me something about seeking His will.

Hebrews 12:1 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

He reminded me that this life is my race.

I Corinthians 9:24 says, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever."

He reminded me that there was purpose in this race. Eternal purpose.

And then He asked me what race I was running!

I was trying to run a baton relay. I was anxious and searching. Looking for Him to show up with a baton to pass on to me. I wanted to make sure that it was from Him, I wanted to run the race He had set for me.

But.

I wanted to grab a baton and take off running. I'd seek His direction again if I came to a crossroads, but until then, just let me run!

He was waiting for me to join Him in a different race.

The three-legged race.

One step at a time.

And never without His lead.

That big decision was not a baton. It was a step.

And His will wasn't something to accept and then set out on my own to accomplish.

He will was for me to trust that He had a plan, a course, and then rely on Him with each and every step. His will was a race that involved an intimate relationship with Him.

Feeling Like Sponge Bob

2009-05-05T10:29:00.000-05:00

Okay, if you don't watch Sponge Bob, then you just won't understand. But in the voice of my favorite little porous friend, I want to exclaim...

"I'm ready!"

(I told you that you wouldn't understand. That's okay.)

So, our little one has been a very good girl! She has turned (although she is face up at the moment, but we can work on that) and did very well for her non-stress test. I get to go in once a week now for the test and ultrasound. I think this is due to the fact that once they see that the cord may be around baby's neck they have to continue to monitor them more closely because they can't truly tell by ultrasound if the cord is around the neck or just appears to be. This is just an educated guess, however, because I have not been worrying about it to the point that I plum forgot to ask any questions!

So, we're 4 1/2 weeks from our due date...I feel like a kid again counting the days until my birthday :o) ! I was blessed to find a few great garage sale bargains last week! A swing (one that swings side to side and front to back) , a vibrating bouncy chair, and a sling all for a grand total of $14! Thank you, God! My husband rearranged our bedroom to make room for our bassinet. Did I mention that...

"I'm ready!"

Well, there are two very important things that need to be finished first.

We need an infant car seat! This is one item that we decided we will probably just buy new. But we'd better hurry up or Gary will be shopping for one while I wait at the hospital to go home!

It is finally starting to sink in how soon she will be entering the world! I think that because she is due the beginning of summer, her due date has seemed so far away. Now that the weather is so nice, it's starting to feel like summer is actually coming soon...and so is our girl!

"I'm ready!"

So, the second thing that we are working on getting done is a bunk bed! I am so excited about this! We were given instructions and tips from a friend who built one for his boys 11 years ago. We need to be able to fit all 3 girls in the same bedroom that only accommodates 2 beds. So, we are building a bunk bed with a trundle to give them more space. Why? Because this is easier than moving!!!

The kids' last day of school is June 2. Baby is due June 7. It's been fun wondering which will come first. And I have to say that I am glad is not up to me! I am glad God has her day all planned. I can see so many reasons to hope she comes while the kids are still in school...and just as many good reasons to hope she doesn't. But the Creator who has so lovingly been knitting her together, sees more than I ever could, and He has made a perfect plan for her.

I feel blessed beyond measure to be a part of her life.

Oh, yeah, and...

"I'm ready!"

Casting Some Cares

2009-04-18T14:38:00.001-05:00

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I Peter 5:7

I think I've been doing the wrong kind of "casting." The image I get with the word "cast" is a fisherman casting his line. The problem I'm having with this verse is that I don't think that is the kind of casting God is asking of me. Why? Because the fisherman never intends to loose his line. He casts it out with the intention of reeling it back in.

Worry creeps in constantly. I'm human, it finds me. It always will.

I don't doubt that God is in control. I don't doubt that He has a plan and that He alone is trustworthy.

And yet, I cast my worry on Him and slowly (or sometimes not so slowly) reel it back.

I need a new definition of "casting."

I looked up "cast" in the dictionary. There were quite a few definitions. Here's the definition of "cast" that I first thought seemed appropriate:

Cast - to throw or set aside; discard or reject; dismiss: He cast the problem from his mind.

As I reread it, though, I noticed a problem. That definition leaves me handling my worry on my own. God is asking me to give it to Him.

These two, then, seemed the most fitting for this verse.

Cast - to part with; to lose

and

Cast - to bestow; confer: to cast blessings upon someone.

When God tells me to cast all my anxiety on Him, it's because He is able to handle it and He doesn't want me to hold on to it. I need to part with it by giving it to Him.

So I'm putting away my fishing pole.

Yesterday we got to see our little girl. She is adorable (seriously, I can tell how cute she is from an ultrasound) and even has quite a bit of hair already! She is perfect and they estimate that she is about 4lb 9oz. With 7 weeks left till her due date I find myself becoming more and more anxious to meet her! I want so badly to hold her, snuggle her, feel her soft hair on my cheek while she sleeps on my chest, and hum "Amazing Grace" as we rock together while the rest of the world sleeps.

(Seven weeks seems so long! Of course, there are also 7 weeks left of school, so it will probably just fly by.)

There were also 2 other things we got to see at yesterday's ultrasound.

Our little one is breech and appears to have her cord wrapped around her neck.

I'm going back in a week and a half for a non stress test, and another ultrasound and was told that if nothing has changed I will go in every week after that to monitor her. I know all the things that could happen. I know the very, very, very worst case scenarios and I know that babies can be born with cords around their necks, looking beautiful, but purple, and with a little oxygen, pink right up and go on to be healthy and wonderful (and enter Kindergarten with the dream of becoming a paleontologist)!

I'm casting all the anxiety of the "what if's" on my God. The truth is, there really are no "what if's." History and statistics only tell what has happened and God is not limited by that. And of all the things that could happen, there is only ONE thing that will happen. God's plan will unfold for this sweet little girl that He has knit together.

So, I'm praying for my little girl to flip and untangle and I'm praying for a beautiful birth-day for her. I'm also trying the positions that encourage babies to flip (with the exception of doing a headstand...seriously, a headstand? I think a c-section sounds safer!) and my midwife will be keeping a close eye on this little one.

As for the One who is able to take the best care of her....

I am thanking Him for the gift of this little one, praising Him for His wonderful works, and I am casting any anxiety that creeps in on Him.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Favorites

2009-04-17T08:50:00.000-05:00

Today is all about my favorite things!

My favorite 5th grader got up cheerfully (and in record time) to have time to shower before school for spring picture day! She's normally not a morning person, she gets that from her dad. I agreed to cut her hair if there was time, so that helped. Now, I am not a hair dresser/stylist whatever they are called these days, so I was a wee bit concerned that this was a very bad idea! But it was just a trim and she was happy with it....whew!

My favorite 2nd grader was off to school, happy as a clam, for no special reason. Just an ordinary day!

My favorite Kindergartner, and future paleontologist, skipped to the bus stop giggling about his own silliness. Why? Because he's on his way to the museum this morning to see dinosaurs!

My favorite little three year old is sleeping in...without a diaper...and she's dry!

What could be better?

Oh, I know!

After lunch today, I'm meeting my favorite husband and my favorite mom to take a 3D peek at our favorite little baby girl!!!

I have never had a 3D ultrasound! I am so excited! Of course, I'd be this excited even if it wasn't a 3D ultrasound, but it is!!!

I just can't stand the wait! I think I'll spend the morning fixing things, because, well, that is a favorite thing of mine! I bought the anchors to fix our front curtain rod and new screws to fix Aly's door and if that doesn't take up my morning, I'm sure I can find something else that needs to be fixed!

And as a final favorite, I have planned my day and given it to the Lord. Now I get to see what He has planned for me today!!!!!

Getting What I Don't Deserve

2009-03-28T10:33:00.000-05:00

Three years ago today (and every day since) that is what I received.

She had fooled 3 home pregnancy tests and the blood test at the doctor's office. I was 2 1/2 months pregnant when I finally got a positive test.

There was nothing about my life at that time that made the thought of having another baby seem like a good idea. But when the doctor walked in with "the wheel", you know the little due date calculator, I knew it was true and by the time I got to my friend's house to pick up the kids, I was in love.

God gave me what I didn't deserve.

On March, 27th I had my last OB visit and we made the decision to be induced the following morning. My midwife was going out of town and I didn't want just any doctor at the delivery and if I had not gone into labor by the following week, they were going to induce anyway. I spent the afternoon with my friend, Kristin, and our kids. For some reason, we decided that she would give me a foot massage to see if it was true that a foot massage can induce labor.

It is true.

I was contracting before she even finished the massage! When I went in for my induction, my midwife checked me and commented that I had indeed already gone into labor on my own :o). But they still broke my water and started pitocin.

For the record, this time around I am getting a foot massage from Kristin before they have a chance to recommend pitocin...it is evil.

I was 3 cm when they started pitocin at 7am. I hung out that morning with Gary, my Mom, and my friend Tracy. We actually had a nice morning. My Mom and I played Scrabble and when the nurses and resident doctor would check in, they even tried to help. By 11am I was not having quite as much fun and by noon I just wanted to be in bed.

And then the fun part.

My midwife checked me at 12:30 and I was dilated to 4. I spent the next 5 minutes mentally panicking. In my head, it went something like this...

"ONE CENTIMETER IN 5 HOURS!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS HURTING SOOOOOOO MUCH WORSE THAN ANY OF MY OTHER LABORS!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS ALL AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO ASK FOR AN EPIDURAL! I DON'T WANT AN EPIDURAL! I NEED ONE! I DON'T WANT ONE! I NEED ONE!..."

And so on, and so on.

Until I finally said to my family, "This feels like the end."

Somehow, Gary understood that I meant that it felt like the end of labor, but my Mom about had a heart attack having just heard her daughter announce that she was on her death bed!

So, I asked for an epidural.

I hated asking. I was so upset. I had avoided an epidural for all 3 of my other labors. I am happy for all of you moms that have had "painless" labors but I can't handle the thought of a needle in my spine. Seriously, I'll take the labor pains.

So, for the first time, I actually met an anesthesiologist during labor. Well, I heard his voice. I never opened my eyes to look at him. And I was only half listening to what he had to say. He said something about "you'll probably be pushing soon anyway" and "I have another patient and then I'll come back." It was at some point during his little speech that I started feeling like I had to push. (I did officially meet the anesthesiologist the next day when he came to tell me that he did in fact come back but I had already delivered!)

So, 20 minutes after hearing "4 centimeters" and proceeding to panic, I was complete and ready to push.

And at 1:02pm on March 28, 2006 we met Rachel Grace!

"Rachel", our little lamb.
"Grace", being given what you don't deserve.

And all 7 pounds 13 ounces of her was absolutely beautiful. A perfect gift from God, at just the perfect time...His timing, not mine!

He surprised us with her and she's been surprising us ever since. And 3 years later, I'm about to decorate a "Nemo" birthday cake for the little girl who dances through this house, charming everyone. The little girl who tells me what direction to go when I'm driving, to get me to Walmart for her blue suckers. The little girl who is addicted to apple juice and already has a love for shoes. The little girl who loves to sing "Jesus loves me" (and wore out the battery in the bunny that sings along!), and "talk to grammaw" on the phone. The little girl who loves "so-sees" (horses) and the colors "pink" (purple) and "purple" (pink). The little girl who uses "kung-fu panda" moves on her big brothers and cried when Daddy took "her van" to work one day. The little girl who took her 2 year old buddy on an elevator ride to the youth room at church one Sunday and gave us all a heart attack!!! The little girl who is getting a twin bed today...who used to be my "baby."

Happy Birthday Rachel Grace!

And on a slightly less important note...3 years ago today, I was not only blessed with a little girl I didn't deserve but a Culver's turtle sundae to celebrate her!! This year there will be no Culver's sundae but Gary just came home with groceries and I have Edy's French Silk ice cream!!! I just keep getting what I don't deserve!

When God Doesn't Work.

2009-03-18T12:08:00.003-05:00

We've all heard people say that they "tried religion" or "tried God" but that it, or he, didn't "work" for them. I'll be honest, when I hear that, even when it's just implied, I feel like a little girl on the playground ready to take on the school bully to defend her Dad! That is of course just my initial reaction to an accusation that something God has said, done, or even not done, is wrong.

The truth that I have found is that when we are disappointed by God it has nothing to do with God. I've seen people "try" God and what they are really doing is seeking something from God and naturally, if they don't get what they want, then God "didn't work."

They did not try God. They tried the equivalent of rubbing a lamp, scratching off a ticket, or kissing a frog. God promises us, "But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29

Are we looking for Him? With all our heart and soul? Is it God we want? Or is it a happy marriage we are seeking, or a better job, or better health? God tells us to "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I Peter 5:7 But have you read the verse right before that?

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." I Peter 5:6

If we come to God when we want something and turn away from Him if He doesn't give us what we want, it is not God who didn't work. He never promised to do everything the way we ask or want or even the way that makes the most sense to us. In fact, He promises us that His ways won't make sense to us. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

To seek God and humble ourselves before Him, admitting that He is God and we are sinners, this is the first step in the only way to have a relationship with God. He sent His Son to pay the penalty for our sin and until we accept that gift we remain separated from God. To "try" God and religion without first coming to Christ will never "work."

Psalm 60, "Clay Pup", and a "Questionable" Girl...

2009-01-16T13:24:00.000-06:00

My heart has been heavy this week.

The struggles that God has seen Gary and I through have become fresh in my mind as 3 of my friends, and 2 friends I follow in blog-land, are facing much of the same pain. I continue to praise God for His faithfulness, for choosing to restore my marriage...for the sake of His glory, not my "happily ever after." But I am hurting for these friends and pleading with God to do what only He can do.

I had spent Tuesday morning in prayer especially for these husbands and wives and when I was done I opened up my Bible to read. Now, if you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that last year I decided to read through the Bible in a year. This year's resolution is to finish! I'm somewhere in Sept. but I really want to finish. I didn't want to start over on Jan. 1 just for the sake of getting it done in 365 days, so I'm just working a day at a time and we'll see how long it takes me! So, on Tuesday, I checked my reading schedule and opened up to Psalm 60.

Rachel was sitting with me so I started to read it out loud and it didn't take long for the tears to come. I bawled all the way through it and for several minutes afterward. The weight and reality of the desperate state of our souls just overwhelmed me. I saw so clearly how deserving we are of all of our pain and suffering and how undeserving we are of God's presence, help, and deliverance. And yet, that's what He offers. That is what He longs to do for each of us...deliver us!

And the last 2 verses read, "Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless. With God we will gain the victory, and He will trample down our enemies." (Psalm 60:11-12)

And that is what I go before the throne and humbly plead for my friends.

I am also praising God for all that He gives. Even in the midst of a heavy week, I have been blessed with great joys.

Wednesday morning, I told Rachel to let the water out of the tub when she was done with her bath. As the water was draining, I went into the bedroom and I could hear her start singing :o). She sang "clay pup! clay pup! clay pup!" over and over. When I went to see what she was doing, wondering what "clay pup" meant, I found her tidying up the bath toys on the shelf. She was singing "clean up."

Later that morning, I picked Aly up from school and we met Gary at the clinic for our 20 week ultrasound. Watching Aly was fun. This was the first time we've brought her to an ultrasound. I loved watching her squint and try to figure out what she was seeing. Then Melissa started explaining what she was looking at and that helped a lot! We watched "Ollie" moving and kicking and got pictures of 2 sweet little feet and several toes (I hope there's 10 of them!). "Ollie" reached his little hand up to the side of his head and we got a picture of a little ear.

We found out that our little "Ollie" is a girl! And then my ultrasound tech (and good friend from church :o) added the word "questionable." Grrr. "Ollie" cooperated just fine and looks like a girl, but because I was a few days shy of 20 weeks (19w 3d to be exact) she said that there is a slight chance that there are boy parts there that haven't fallen yet. Grrr. Now. I'm confident that that is not the case. But with just a seed of doubt planted I still feel like we don't know...oh, the frustration!! Fortunately, she was unable to get a picture of the cord attaching to the placenta that she needs and they told me to schedule another appointment in 2-3 weeks!!! Yay! She said by then, she would be more confident about her assessment. It's going to keep making me crazy for 2-3 weeks but at least I don't have to wait for the 32 week ultrasound!!!

The best part of course, was that everything looked perfect! "Ollie" is healthy and right on schedule! And I give God all the glory for His work!

I am just in awe of a God who walks with me in pain and delivers me, who also blesses me with joys beyond measure even in the very midst of a breaking heart.

God is good, all the time.

Where Have I Been?

2009-01-09T09:31:00.000-06:00

It has been a whole month since I last blogged!

It's been driving me crazy not writing, and yet, we've been so busy that the time has flown by. So, my first post will be my month in review and then I'm back!

How do I wrap up the last month?

We had our absolutely best Christmas ever! Gary was in the choir Christmas program, "I'll Be Home For Christmas". We made our gingerbread kit, but sadly, time slipped away and the big gingerbread project never happened :o(. Christmas break started a day early...thanks to a lovely snow storm :o)! Our refrigerator broke the day before Christmas Eve and Gary got to shop for a new one on Christmas Eve! All I could say was "Thank you God that it's the refrigerator and not the furnace!"

Mock chicken legs for Christmas Eve dinner (if that was the only thing we had done, it might still have been the best Christmas ever!). Santa brought everyone just what they asked for...how does he do that? A weekend at my Dad's not sledding, but watching him take the kids out on the lake. (That was nerve wracking, I must admit, but "Ollie" and I were much safer indoors!) Sleepovers galore. In the evening on Dec. 30th, "Ollie" kicked me!!! (which also happens to be the same date that I kicked my mom for the first time, pretty cool.) New Year's Eve dinner with Kristin and her kids. Marble cheesecake for breakfast on Jan. 1 (because I didn't make it early enough, so it wasn't' ready until midnight or so and we were NOT up at "midnight or so"). Actually, I could go for some right now...but I'd have to make it.

We topped off the Christmas break with a weekend away with my mom, and brother and nieces, at my little cousin's wedding! I say little, because it just seems like yesterday that I was babysitting her and she was cheating at Pretty, Pretty, Princess, or maybe it was Guess Who? Rachel now refers to her as "my princess", except of course when she saw her the next day in her sweats and t-shirt...then she was shy and asked where her princess went? Aidan sat unhappily through the ceremony, claiming that "weddings scare me," but got over it when we headed to the hotel to swim before the reception. Garrett and Aly had a conversation as they went to sleep that went like this...Aly - "My favorite part was the dancing." Garrett - "Yeah, the dancing. I love dancing, and I love these cashews."

And Monday morning, life returned to "normal." We all settled right back into our routine.

And yet, the best part of Christmas is something that does much more than stir up life for a month. This part changes life...forever.

The celebration of Christmas is a remembrance. God told the Israelites numerous times in the Old Testament to "remember," He was the one who told them to celebrate Passover every year and told them to tell their stories to their children. Why? Because He knows us. He knows we forget.

This past month, we remembered.

We remembered that a young girl and her new husband traveled a long way in the last days of her pregnancy. They found no place to stay. She went through labor in a stable with only Joseph at her side. Well, that's not entirely true, God was with them. Mary gave birth to a son, and they named him Jesus.

We remembered that it was lowly shepherds that witnessed the heavenly birth announcement.
The angel declared, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today, in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." And if that announcement wasn't amazing enough, "Suddenly, a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

"And Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

Can you imagine? Can you imagine that night?

And consider that all this took place so that God's Son could be sacrificed in our place, take our punishment, that we might be spared and have a relationship with our Creator. This was God's plan, He had been preparing everything for this moment. He spoke of His Son's birth to the prophets, He told His people that He would come, that He would save them.

Can you imagine? Can you believe all that God has done for us?

Do you remember? I do. And I will teach it to my children, and their children. And pray that we will not forget.

"The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

(and the story of Christ's birth is found in Luke 2:1-20)

My New Link

2008-12-09T15:37:00.004-06:00

Did you see I have a new link over there to the right?

"Blue Frog and Butterfly Gifts and Collectibles"

I am happy to add that link for a good friend. She has her own business and just got her online store set up! It's an assortment of gift items and collectibles, kind of a "something for everyone" store!

So, just in time for last-minute Christmas shopping (although Dec. 9th is really still early for me!) go check out her store!

When you do, if you buy something please let her know that you were referred by me...Robin102!

And if you are there shopping for me the Colonial Candle Lamp and Amber Lilies Tealight Holder are on my wish list...

TopTen Tuesday

2008-12-09T08:59:00.000-06:00

There are so many things I would love to blog about. Several posts are already half written in my head. But today, I'm going to make it simple.

Top Ten Little Things In Life That Make Me Happy!

10) Watching the huge snowflakes fall outside and knowing that I am in for the day!

9) Songs that you hear that make you say "That's exactly how I feel!"

8) Birth stories. I just love to hear mom's tell about the day their little ones were born! I'm sappy that way. (Except of course when you're listening to a mom who seems to still be lacking a maternal instinct even though her child is 4 years old and she talks all about the wretched pain and her begging for drug after drug because nothing worked, not even the epidural, and how it was the most excruciating 3 days of her life and she's still pretty bitter about it. And then she adds that she will never have another baby and all you can think is "Praise God!" Okay, that was exaggerated a bit, but only because I met this woman in the Penny's baby section 10 years ago so her exact words are not fresh in my mind...but her bitterness is!)

7) Waking up in the night to someone whispering "Mommy." (When they're yelling "Mommy" in the night, well, that's different...it's the whispers that make me happy!)

6) Popcorn and Junior Mints. Yum.

5) Triscuits. Proof that I do love something other than chocolate! And when it's important to be drinking plenty of water, like when you're pregnant, they come in very, very handy! (Just thinking about eating them is making me thirsty!)

4) The concordance in my Bible.

3) Decorating cakes! A cake is such a delicious canvas!

2) Aidan's alien pencil sharpener. I am not kidding. Ever since my nice electric one broke 8 years ago, I have gone through several cheap little sharpeners and they make me crazy! Sometimes they work, or they only work for the first 7 pencils. Most of the time, the best they will do is give you a tip that is not quite as dull as when you started trying to sharpen it 12 minutes ago. And sometimes they just break your pencil tip. But this year, Aidan picked a sharpener for school that looks like an alien and one eye is a large tip sharpener and the other eye is a regular pencil sharpener. Every time I use it, I get giddy when I pull it out and find a perfectly sharpened pencil tip. Every time! I love that thing! (And I'm very protective of it and don't like to share. What if something happened to it?)

1) Gingerbread houses! My mom gave us a kit which we will be doing tomorrow night (or tonight if basketball is canceled due to our lovely weather)! Gary's mom loved gingerbread houses and got me hooked on them. There have been years that we didn't get around to making one but it really is one of my favorite things to do during Christmas. This year I'm planning on baking the gingerbread pieces next week, so that when we have 8 kids here for Christmas break we can all make our own house...or something.

I haven't decided what to do yet. The first year with Karen, we made a bird house. We've also made churches, dog houses, and a tee pee! I've got until next week, so if anyone has any ideas for a fun gingerbread house...please share!

*And now I have to add one more...11) The fact that as I've been writing this, Rachel has been talking one goldfish at a time upstairs and feeding them to the cat. How do I know this? Because each time she took one and headed up the stairs she would peek around the corner and tell me "Deedee eat fish." And now she's trying to sneak past me with the whole box. I'm sensing that it's time to start my cleaning!

You're Gonna Miss This...Moment...#2

2008-12-06T11:03:00.001-06:00

It's that time of the week again, to look back and savor the moments that will be gone before we know it! Check out Pam's blog and join in!

Well, with a birthday to celebrate this past week, it is not hard to find moments I'm going to miss someday!

I'd use the decorating the cake moment again, but this bad mom didn't get it made yet! Aidan's birthday fell on a school night/basketball night/choir practice night (which means Gary's gone and we watch Kristin's kids for her). So a very busy night indeed...or it was supposed to be. That all changed when Aly woke up with a 101.5 fever Thursday morning. Anyway, the cakes were baked but the frosting never got made (I am determined to do that today!). But the birthday boy got his 8 Swedish pancakes in bed for breakfast, because he turned 8! And he got to choose our dinner, so Pizza Hut was had by all! We skipped basketball, put up our tree had our pizza, and Aidan opened his gifts all before Gary had to leave for choir practice.

And then I spent most of Friday in bed! I think I caught whatever Aly had but I also think I just plain overdid things. Hmmm, good thing I didn't do the cake!

But it's definitely the pancakes in bed that I'm going to miss someday! Although, by the time all the kids are in double digits I will probably be ready to miss that tradition! And for the record, as they get older and therefore get more pancakes, I use a much smaller pan so each pancake is really only the size of half of a Swedish pancake...I'm not completely insane...yet...

8 Pancakes Ago...

2008-12-04T10:13:00.002-06:00

How in the world can my first baby boy be turning 8 today?

Eight years ago, I had gone on maternity leave the week of Thanksgiving. We went to church on Dec. 3 and I started having contractions during the service. Not the "Oh, no! Get me to the hospital contractions," but more the "hmm, could this be the beginning?" contractions. We had pizza at Gary's Grandma's house that evening. Later that night I had a thought that I should call my friend Tracy, who lived next door, and ask her if I could call her at any hour to stay with Aly, in the event that labor started in the middle of the night.

It was a good thought.

But I didn't call her that night.

Nope. Instead I called her at 3am when my water broke!

She was not quite awake but gladly said yes and then added, "Just bring Aly over."

I hung up the phone and asked Gary, "If we have to wake Aly up, why don't we just bring her with us?" (both of our mom's were going to be at the hospital)

As we tried to figure out what to do, the phone rang. Tracy had woken up and realized the craziness of what she had offered and told us she'd be right over! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! So, she hung out at our house until Gary's mom came to relieve her.

On the way to the hospital I was trying to time contractions but I couldn't focus because I actually started to get scared! With Aly, I remember not being scared at all. Because I had no idea what was about to happen! But with Aidan, I remembered it all!!!

We got to the hospital at 4am and by 6am I was all settled in and hooked up to monitors and they came in to tell me that they'd be starting Pitocin because I wasn't contracting. I only vaguely remember asking them what exactly I was feeling every 4 minutes if it wasn't contractions but I can't for the life of me remember getting an answer or what the answer was.

I do remember them talking about what a busy night it was and that they were running out of birthing rooms.

So, at 7am they started the pitocin. And right about that time, Gary's mom came up with Aly. Or did they get there at 7:30am? Must have been 7:30 because I remember watching the "Buzz Lightyear" cartoon with her! She was so cute!

Before the shift change, my nurse told me that because I "wasn't contracting on my own", the pitocin would take some time to start working and it would likely be mid-afternoon before things really got underway. (Just a note here to anyone who might read this and has not yet given birth...if some day you do, and your nurse and your body are giving you conflicting reports - do not believe your nurse!) But that nurse went home at 7 and I met my day nurse, who just happened to be the same nurse I had for Aly's delivery! Her I liked!

Unfortunately, I had believed the forecast of a mid-afternoon delivery. By 8am, I was having such bad contractions, that I was convinced I couldn't make it without drugs. So I asked for something (not an epidural...I am so happy for all you mom's who have wonderful pain-free labors but I cannot do it...I've seen women get epidurals on tv and it completely freaks me out. I can't even stand to watch it. I can't explain it, but I can't do it.). Anyway, they gave me something and all it did was make me feel sick and start having slurred speech. What a waste.

So, Gary's sister had come to the hospital and when I stopped having fun, she took Aly out to shop for a gift for the new baby. My brother and his wife also came by and when I stopped being fun, they went to the cafeteria.

A little before 9am, I knew. I whispered to my mom that I needed to push and that I was just going to push a little bit. So she ran out to get the nurse who of course did not want me to push yet...so I did...just a little...just enough for it to feel better, but don't tell.

My doctor came in and told me that I could in fact push and mentioned that he was in his office talking to his nurses about how to clear up his afternoon schedule when he got the call! In between contractions we were all chatting and the doctor asked if he had told us yet if it was a boy or a girl. Gary very proudly said yes, it's a boy! And then the doctor said, "Oh, well then I'm sure I wrote in your chart that it's a girl. If I tell the parents what they're having I always write the opposite in the chart. If I was right you'll never check the chart, but if I was wrong I can show you your chart and say no, see I had it right." I thought that was hilarious. Gary was a little concerned.

And Aidan James made his debut at 10:13am on December 4th!!!

How could that have been 8 years ago?

But it was. So, this morning before school, Aidan got 8 Swedish pancakes in bed!

He was so handsome and so sweet. He settled into an 8pm bedtime almost from the time we brought him home. We had lots of mid-night feedings and cuddles but he always went right back to sleep. He was so easy. And then he started walking at 10 months. Then he was busy, busy, busy. And his big sister, who was always afraid to try anything, well, she started doing anything and everything...as long as Aidan did it first!

And now, I am seeing him become a young man. And he's smart and he's a thinker. And he's got this awesome sense of humor (and if he can learn to control it, then it won't get him in so much trouble at school)! He loves and looks out for his little sister and can be very selfless and put others first. And after all these years, he's still so very handsome...and he still gets cranky when he's hungry.

And my prayer is that as he grows he will become less dependant on Gary and I, and more and more dependant on God! That he will choose for himself to serve the Lord, to trust in Him, to grow in Him.

Entering a Giveaway!

2008-12-02T08:30:00.002-06:00

I follow a blog called "Four little men...and girly twins". Brittany is a mom who has...can you guess?...four sons and just had her twin girls in August (who are absolutely beautiful). If you check out her blog you must read her birth story from August. God definitely had His hand on those little ones to bring them into the world safely!

Anyway, she is having a giveaway and "Ollie" has encouraged me to enter! She's giving away a "One Step Ahead Tummy Time Safari" and "Ollie" really wants to win. Especially since he knows I gave most of our baby things away after Rachel. You know. Because I was "done."

So, go check out Brittany's blog, anyone can enter!

Sunk

2008-11-26T21:22:00.004-06:00

(To clarify before you read this...we do not know if we are having a boy or a girl, but we call all our babies by a male "pre-birth" name so until we find out, our baby will be referred to as "he".)

Okay. I took a test back in September. Having learned English at an early age I had no trouble reading the stick.

P. R. E. G. N. A. N. T.

I thought it was starting to sink in when Gary and I told, well, everybody we knew.

But no.

Did it sink in when I lost all my energy and a few of my meals each day?

No.

How about when I saw the little jelly bean shape with the flickering little heartbeat? Or two weeks ago when he had grown enough for me to be able to watch him wave his little hand over his head?

Apparently not.

Because tonight, as I washed my face in the bathroom, I was thinking over the day and my appointment with my midwife. I was smiling to myself about listening to that sweet little "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh" of his heartbeat.

And I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I have a baby and I take him with me wherever I go. In four to five more weeks, I'll even begin to feel him moving.

But he's in there moving already.

And I am sunk.

"Ollie's" presence has sunk in and I am head over heels for him.

And I praise my God for this gift. He is the Creator and certainly didn't need to use us to bring new lives into this world. But He does. What a great gift to be a part of His work...the miracle of life. And of course, His work and His miracle is not limited to the first 40 weeks in the womb. The love He makes my heart capable of leaves me in total awe of Him. I can't fathom a love stronger than the love I have for each of my kids. And yet the truth is, my love is imperfect and flawed by my sinful nature.

But His love is perfect.

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

When we wonder if God really loves us...what further proof do we need?

With our Thanksgiving dinner already behind us (I had leftovers today for lunch!) we will be celebrating tomorrow's holiday with pizza and Christmas tree decorating at my mom's. But this year I will be enjoying Thanksgiving day with more thankfulness than any previous year. Not because of my circumstances but because of my Savior and all that He is, all that He's done, and all that He's doing.

Top Ten Tuesday

2008-11-25T23:38:00.000-06:00

Tonight I present you with the Top Ten Things I Love About Aly...

10) She is a not a princessy girl. I will "ooh" and "ahh" over all the cute little girlie things, and Rachel spent practically her first year in pink, but as a former tom-boy myself, I just love Aly's style :o)!

9) She just laughs her way through life but just when I think she might never have a serious moment, she surprises me with a moment that reminds me that she really is thinking in that head of hers. (My favorite was when she was just 5 and I was talking to her about creation and how God stood back and saw that it was good, and what that must have been like and she said, "Oh, like art!" Which made me pause and think, hmm, on a much, much, much smaller scale, we create and enjoy it because we were created in the image of our Creator!

8) God has blessed her with a beautiful imagination!

7) She has really great freckles! (Which she hates, of course, or at least she did. Hmmm, I should ask her if she still hates them.)

6) I love that she wants there to be justice and truth in the world (I just hope she can find ways to deal with that desire without all the tattling and fighting to the death with her brothers over the proper use of a word.)

5) I love her sense of humor. I knew we were in trouble when she made her first sarcastic remark at the age of 3! I had just finished stenciling the kitchen walls (hey, it was 8 years ago...and it's been painted over for some time now!), I stood back to look at my masterpiece and asked Aly, "Well? What do you think?" She replied very seriously, "I don't like it." And then gave me that "just kidding" smile and started laughing!

4) I love that she wants to be unique.

3) I love her silliness (even though it drives me crazy)!

2) I love that she is so much like me...so that I can drive her crazy by pointing this out often in the years to come!

1) I love that she came up with the idea of creating a "quote of the day". Her first quote?

Nov. 25, 2008
"Toothpicks are the key to happiness."

How can I not love this girl?

You're Gonna Miss This...Moment...

2008-11-22T22:39:00.002-06:00

Okay, for quite some time now, I've been reading Pam's blog, "You're Gonna Miss This...". She is an amazing woman with 6 kids who has been through a great deal of hurt and is sharing God's glory in the midst of it all! Every week she hosts a "blog carnival" (I'm finally learning some blog lingo) called "You're Gonna Miss This...Moment", where she invites her readers to join her in posting about things, past or present, that they will, or already do, miss.

Finally, I'm going to join them. (I've been meaning to for a few weeks but then I've been meaning to clean the house too...)

I think I'm supposed to post pictures but maybe not. It would be better with pictures but it's 10:30 Saturday night and I still have 2 birthday cakes to decorate and sweet potatoes to bake for our early Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Yeah. So, no pictures this time!

Which leads me to one thing I will miss. One of the birthday cakes I'm decorating is for Aidan. We're having an early family birthday party for him and my nephew at our early Thanksgiving dinner. So, Aidan got to choose what he wants me to draw on his cake and just like every other birthday, everyone else started choosing their cake decoration too. I love decorating their cakes special for each of them and I love that they love it too. Someday, I'm going to miss that! Granted, that someday is quite a ways off! So, I don't want to waste time complaining about the late hour or the work or the mess in the kitchen. I'm just going to savor the reason I do it!

Hey! It just occurred to me, I can post a picture...

...I'll add it later, you know, when the cake is finally done.

One Thing

2008-11-22T11:09:00.001-06:00

This is my 100th post! I've read several blogs where people have done special things for this milestone, like posting 100 things about themselves or doing a cool contest. Well, I am not that cool. So, if you're hoping for a cool contest to win you should hop over to MckMama's blog and check out the Small Fryday giveaway! When you're done, if you don't mind, even though I have no cool contest, stop back to read the rest of my post. Please?

Seriously.

For my 100th post I've decided to write about one thing.

Over the past 2 months live has become a tad overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, life is wonderful! I am so blessed! I have a marriage that has been restored when it looked hopeless for so many years. I have 4 beautiful and healthy kids and number 5 being knit together even as I type. God has filled my life with more good than I deserve, especially considering that we deserve none.

The overwhelming part is that I look at this life and there is so much to do. So much to care for, so much to pray for. Just the kids alone come with a mountain of responsibilities from laundry and homework help to praying for them and training them up. Then there's my husband, my church, my friends, my neighbors. I think for my 100th post I probably could have written 100 things to do in a day and still not cover everything.

But I was talking to my best friend and as we talked about the topic of children and discipline, I started feeling that overwhelming feeling. And I realized something, I feel overwhelmed because I am reminded that the very best I can do is completely inadequate.

How do you discipline a child who is lying? How do you motivate your daughter to work harder in school because if she would just turn in her assignments on time her grades would not be slipping? How do you teach your son how to control his personality so that it doesn't get him sent to the Principal's office? How? Well, God gave me my answer and it has made this life and it's thousand tasks a day seem less overwhelming.

One thing.

My God. He is my one thing.

Psalm 73:23-28

23Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
24You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

27For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
28But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.

He knows that I am inadequate. This does not surprise Him. He doesn't want me to try to accomplish anything on my own. He wants me to depend on Him. He is all I need.

My one thing.

The enormous task of training up children, He can handle. I need to seek Him. He will lead me. He knows what will motivate each of my children. He will lead me. He knows the real issues they are struggling with when all I can see is slipping grades. He will lead me. He knows my husband's needs. He will lead me. He knows my neighbor's needs, my friends needs. He will lead me. And the woman I pass by on route 2? He knows her needs too, and He will lead me. And with all of the work that He has for me to do, He does not forget the mundane everyday needs of my home. The laundry, the vacuuming, the dishes. Even in this, He will lead me.

He is my one thing and He leads me. Just one step at a time. He doesn't want to overwhelm me.

Rich Mullins was one of my favorite artists when I was a teen. He had a song called "My One Thing." And it makes sense to me now in a way that it never had before. You can listen to it if you click here and then click play on the ninth track.

Oh, and don't forget to hop on over to the Small Fryday contest on MckMama's blog!

Not Me Monday!

2008-11-17T11:56:00.002-06:00

Well, first off, I did not just check MckMama's website and decide not to bother posting a NotMeMonday post just because 140 people are ahead of me so what's the point? I did not do that because I have never secretly hoped to be one of the first to post...how silly!

After a few minutes and remembering a few things I did not do this week, I did not change my mind and decide that I'd better write about them anyway.

I certainly did not decide that it would be a good idea on Friday afternoon to bake cookies for our church movie night and hang a new sliding door curtain rod and curtains at the same time. That would have been insane and how could I work in our little kitchen with cooling racks, cookie sheets, screwdrivers and an electric drill all sharing the space on the kitchen table? (Although the cookies were delicious and I love our new drapes!)

I also did not buy new curtains because the last ones started ripping at the top and only 2 of the 4 panels were left, and they were a few inches too short because I had washed and dried them. Nope. We haven't been living with short drapes that only covered half of the back sliding door for 2 years. Not me!

I also did not see my midwife on Wednesday and tell her how my back pain had suddenly disappeared the week before. She didn't ask if I had done the exercises she had suggested and I didn't give her a blank stare and ask "what exercises?" (I really don't think she mentioned exercises.) I also didn't suddenly remember that the day before my back pain ended I had spent the entire day in the yard cleaning it up for winter. Yeah, my midwife laughed and told me that I had indeed done the exercises!

I also have not been slacking in my housework because I have had no energy since becoming pregnant. I did not finally start feeling my energy coming back and get on a cleaning kick on Saturday. It did not become apparent just how lacking I have been when I found "little frog" by the entryway.

A moment of silence.

He must have tried so hard to be free.

He almost made it.

Almost.

Nice Goal, But Where's Your Plan?

2008-11-11T11:24:00.000-06:00

This past weekend, our church hosted "Purity Weekend." The men's ministry felt led this year to do something different with their annual men's retreat. They planned a conference for men, women, and teens. A conference that would impact the entire family. They were obviously following God's leading, because that is exactly what we experienced this weekend!

The issue of purity is so important and yet so seldom discussed. Oh, we'll scratch the surface but any deeper than that and it gets too personal. Too embarrassing to share with another person, let alone a group or congregation. And there's the problem. We leave it to be a secret. One of my favorite lines from an Andy Gullahorn song is "he knew carrying secrets to the grave is impossible to do, the secrets carry you." We keep it hidden, and it keeps us in bondage.

I spent 8 years of our marriage keeping a secret. Why? It would have been embarrassing to tell someone. I know, brilliant, right?

Out of respect for my husband, and respect for anyone reading this, know that I will be very careful what I share. Keeping it secret is a problem but too much information is not the solution.

I became painfully aware after our wedding, that things were not well. By the time I was pregnant with Aly (after a month and a half of marriage) it was clear that pornography came before me. So, I did what any good wife would do. I helped him keep his sin a secret. I lied to everyone at church who asked where he was on Sunday mornings, and told them he was sick. Then, of course, I stopped going to church too so that I wouldn't have to answer the question at all.

I had a great plan. I was going to be obedient to God (at least on one point). He hates divorce so I was going to stay married. So, I lived with his sin which was so much worse than my own that I settled right in to my new secret life as the innocent victim praying for God to change him. What a saint I was (and if you don't read that with sarcasm, then don't read it at all)!

And here is the biggest lesson God impressed upon me at this weekend's conference. I didn't have a plan, I had a goal. Honoring my marriage vow to God and to my husband was a good goal. But I had no plan! None. I didn't even know I didn't have a plan. Clueless.

I was thinking back over my life and realized that this was true of everything I ever felt committed to accomplish and then fell short. I had goals with no plans because I thought the goal itself was a plan.

I was going to marry a man who was a Christian. Even better, I determined that I would only marry a Christian who was growing in his walk with the Lord. That was my plan, except that it was a goal with no plan at all. Consequently, I went on a date before finding out if the guy had a personal relationship with Jesus. To be honest, I actually thought that I wouldn't be attracted to him if he wasn't a Christian so I saw no harm. You have my permission to laugh at me.

Moving right along, with no lesson learned. I was committed to saving myself for marriage. There was no question in my mind. That was my plan. If you've been paying attention, you'll know what I'm going to say next. That was, yet again, a great goal with no plan at all! At the conference, the women had a question and answer session and one of the questions asked about boundaries when dating. One comment was that you should not kiss. I have to admit that something in me was shocked by this. I thought that was pretty strict and unreasonable. Then, of course, God made His point. Where did I go wrong? Oh, yeah, I was totally committed to purity...until we were kissing. Oh, I see.

The point of deciding the boundary of not kissing is that if you are serious about the goal of purity then you need be serious about how you plan to achieve that.

Back to the goal/plan dilemma. Here's a less personal one. I planned to raise my children to be young men and women who love the Lord and serve Him. Again, it's really just a goal and I have come to see that the truth is I have not had a plan. God has been convicting me of this for some time now and I'm finally listening. One thing I have realized is that it is for God to reveal Himself to them and initiate a personal relationship. I am called to train them up in the way they should go. It's not that I have done it all wrong until now, but now I am seeking God's voice on how He wants me to train up my children.

I'm learning not to confuse a goal with a plan.

I'm learning to seek God's will, not only for the goal, but for the plan for getting there.

I'm learning.

Top Ten Tuesday

2008-11-04T18:07:00.002-06:00

Happy election day! We are home doing homework and showers and waiting for Gary to get home. Having just called from the polling place I'm guessing he'll be gone another hour! So, while I wait for our pizza I actually have time for a post! A special election Top Ten!

Top Ten Things I'm Thankful for on This Election Day!

10. I am thankful that I woke up to a house filled with the four amazing gifts God has blessed us with and a womb filled by the fifth!

9. I am thankful for my husband, whom I love and respect!

8. I am thankful for answered prayers!

7. I am thankful that today is not just election day. It is a new day that God blessed me with.

6. I am thankful that God blessed us with this amazing weather making it so much more pleasant standing outside the polling place for the first half hour of our wait!

5. I am thankful that Garrett and Rachel did so well waiting for an hour in line with me at the polls. (Until Rachel started bumping into the next guy's table while I filled in my ballot!)

4. I am thankful that I am not at the polls right now!

3. I am thankful that you have to be 18 to vote. Why? Well, here's the conversation I had with Garrett when I picked him up from Kindergarten today.

Me: Who did you vote for today?
Garrett: That other guy. The one you're not voting for.
Me: (Trying to not sound angry and disappointed :o) Oh. Why did you vote for him?
Garrett: I dunno. Cause I wanted to.

(On a positive note, Aidan and Aly came home thoroughly disgusted that Obama won the mock-election at their schools!)

2. I am thankful that I live in a country where I have a voice. Things may not go the way that I am voting, but I had the privilege of casting my vote.

1. I am thankful that God is in control. Whatever the outcome, God is working. God has a plan. And in God I trust.

Daniel 2:20-22

"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.

21 He changes times and seasons;
he sets up kings and deposes them.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.

22 He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.

2 Chronicles 7:13-15

14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.

Praise!

2008-10-29T11:55:00.007-05:00

Baby Stellan has officially entered this world!

Happy Birthday Stellan!

The c-section went well and MckMama is recovering. "Stellan got a 9 and a 9 on his APGARS and the NICU team has yet to find a single thing wrong with him..." and that is straight from her blog!

For their official announcement, go check out MckMama's blog!

Random Acts of Kindness

2008-10-29T11:34:00.005-05:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about "random acts of kindness."

And I have come to the conclusion that "random acts of kindness" are not biblical.

Don't stop reading yet.

The definition of random is "proceeding, made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern."

Without definite aim? Reason? Pattern? That is not the way were are to live. We are to love God with all our heart, mind and soul and Jesus said that if we love Him we will obey Him. My acts of kindness are to be made with very definite aim, reason and pattern. I am to be listening to His voice and letting Him lead me. My aim is to bring glory to God, my reason is to be obedient to Him, and my pattern is to be listening for His voice in every moment.

On Monday afternoon I was driving home from paying the electric bill and God told me to turn around and go help the elderly woman I had just seen raking her yard. I almost talked myself out of doing it. I had laundry to do, I was tired, my back hurt. But I realized that it was God who had asked me to do that. So I did. Garrett was thrilled and worked his tail off with me while Rachel ran around and made a new friend. I don't know if there was any reason beyond just giving a woman some help with the work she had to do. But God knows.

I had looked at a website for an organization who's goal is to do good. They are going to change the world one good deed after another. Doing good things is great. Doing anything without seeking God's will is futile. Even if you did good. We can't change the world. If you've read the Bible, you know what the world is coming to. But God is changing people's lives. I want to be a part of that change, the only real change, the only change that matters.

So, as a Christian, I want to seek God in each moment of the day and go where He leads. Do what He asks. Bring glory to Him. I don't want to go through my day seeking out what I can or want to do. I want to focus on Him and what He wants me to do.

Acts of kindness? Absolutely!

Random? Not for me.

I Corinthians 10:31
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Stellan Update

2008-10-28T08:58:00.002-05:00

I want to encourage anyone who comes across this today to pray for MckMama and Stellan. If you don't know, she is a mom with 3 small children and one one the way...tomorrow! I have posted about her story before and you can find her blog by clicking on the button at the top of my side bar. This morning she is having and amniocentesis done in order to check Stellan's lung development. The results of this test will determine if she is cleared for the c-section they have planned for tomorrow morning or if she needs to carry him a bit longer. Just 13 weeks ago she was told that because of his heart problems he would surely die. God has blessed them with miracle after miracle and we are all excited to see what God will do next! Please say a prayer for peace for this family, wisdom for the medical staff, and of course for Stellan's health! And that this miracle of Stellan's life will bring glory to God!

Not Me Monday!

2008-10-27T11:29:00.005-05:00

Another "Not Me Monday"! To play along, or if you just want to read what other people did not do this week, check out MckMama's site!

So, this week, I did not become ridiculously excited over an Andrew Peterson concert. I wouldn't do that.

I also did not take my fifth grader to the concert with her best friend. It was a school night, people. What responsible parent would do that?

I certainly did not tell my daughter to bring notebook paper in with her because it would be fun to see if Andrew Peterson would write a note to her teacher asking for an extra day to study for her social studies test that she had the next day.

And there's no way I sent her to school the next day with this...

If you can't make out his handwriting, this is what he wrote...

Dearest Ms. Michael,

Would you, out of the goodness of your pulchritudinas heart, forgive Aly the woeful transgression of attending my evening of intensely intellectual and mind-enriching music by granting her but one more day on the looming test? Oh please? Please?

Sincerely,
Andrew Peterson

(And for the record, Aly said her teacher "laughed so hard she got tears in her eyes.")

Concert Review/Can You Believe He's Coming Back?

2008-10-24T11:56:00.002-05:00

And when I say "He's coming back" I am not referring to Andrew Peterson. Just keep reading.

The concert was great! It was just Andrew, his guitars, and a piano. He used a power point presentation to include some pictures, the verses that inspired the songs, and a few videos through out the evening. It was very intimate, and very much a night of story telling with lots of laughter and God's truth.

He sang through his new CD, giving the story behind each song and of course added just a couple songs from previous CD's. And he did the "Bears" song from his children's CD! If you have kids check it out! It's Slugs and Bugs and Lullabies. He and Randall Goodgame worked together and came up with several fun and silly songs and then ended the CD with several beautiful lullabies. I even listen to it when I don't have the kids in the car!

After the concert we just had wait around to talk to him! I am so inspired by his music. He is poetic and real and totally committed to using the gifts God has given him to share Christ with anyone who's listening. So, being the eloquent speaker that I am (in my head) when it was our turn to chat with him I proceeded to put on a stellar circus show complete with the acrobatics of (figuratively) stumbling and tripping over each and every well thought out word I attempted to utter.

Okay, that may be a little over-dramatic. Maybe. But later, it occurred to me that I don't know what I said! I know what I was trying to say, but I don't have a clue how it came out! Let's just say that if what I wanted to convey was a steak, what I handed poor Andrew Peterson, was ground beef. And not even the real lean ground beef. The kind where you brown it and half of it melts away because it was just fat.

Part of the problem may have been that I was so excited that this little scenario I'm about to share is all that ran through my mind as I pondered what I would say.

First I grab him firmly by the shoulders and proceed shake him as I exclaim in my outside voice, "God is so amazing and thank you for letting Him speak through you and draw people closer to Him!!!" And then calmly let go and mention that I love his new CD. At this point several men nearby, my husband included, recognize that there is no official security on the premises and step up to fill the position. While being dragged from the building I become immediately remorseful. And Andrew Peterson, having just become a victim of SAS (shaken artist syndrome) is forced to cancel his next several shows while he recuperates.

This would have been a shame. A real shame. So I'm glad that all I did was trip over my words.

To help myself feel better, this is what I had wanted to share with my favorite artist...and maybe I did just not in a very pretty way. (But at least I didn't shake him!)

I have been listening to his new CD for a week now and I really can't choose a favorite song. I love them all! Hosea might be my favorite, or Don't Give Up on Me. Or maybe I've Got News, or Love is a Good Thing...oh, I can't pick just one! But really, I think my favorite thing on the CD is what he wrote inside the cover. (and he even read this last night) It really spoke to me. It reminded me of what God had impressed upon me when reading about the Israelites being taken into captivity. Their 70 years of exile were recorded in just one verse with the next few verses recording the blessing of God restoring the land and bringing them home. (I'm not going to go into that, you can read it my post, The Length of a Verse!)

Here's what he wrote.

"He came back.

After that brutal Friday, and that long, quiet Saturday, he came back.

And that one intake of breath in the tomb changes everything. It changes the very reason I drew breath today and the way I move about in this world because I believe he's coming back again. The world has gone on for more that two millennia since Jesus' feet tread the earth he made. What would they have said back then if someone had told them that some two thousand years later we'd still be waiting? They would've thought back to that long Saturday and said, "Two thousand years will seem like a breath to you when you finally lay your crown at his feet. We don't even remember what we were doing on that Saturday, but let me tell you about Sunday morning. Now that was something."

These many years of waiting will only be a sentence in the story. This long day will come to an end, and I believe it will end in glory, when we will shine like suns and stride the green hills with those we love and the One who loves. We will look with our new eyes and speak with new tongues and turn to each other and say, "Do you remember the waiting? The long years, the bitter pain, the gnawing doubt, the relentless ache?" And like Mary at the tomb, we will say: "I remember only the light, and the voice calling my name, and the overwhelming joy that the waiting was finally over."

The stone will be rolled away for each of us.

May we wait with faithful hearts."

-AP

He's coming back!

Just like He said He would.

He's Coming!!! He's Coming!!!

2008-10-23T16:33:00.002-05:00

Did I mention that HE'S COMING?!!

I. Am. So. Excited.

Tonight we get to go out, which is exciting enough. But. We get to go out to see ANDREW PETERSON!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot type enough exclaimation marks to reflect my excitement. So, I will not even try.

Your welcome.

Now off you go. Check out his site and listen to some of the songs from his new CD, Resurrection Letters Volume 2! (but don't go searching for volume 1 because he hasn't done that one...yet)

I. Am. So. Excited.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-10-22T21:35:00.002-05:00

It's official...

Ollie is adorable and nestled in right where he should be with a strong little heart.

And he's due on my birthday!!!!

June 7, 2009

Come May I will not feel the same, but how fun would that be to have him on my birthday?

Top Ten Tuesday

2008-10-21T09:16:00.001-05:00

Okay, I am back with a Top Ten Tuesday again.

This week?

Top Ten favorite things to do with my kids!

10. Play dough. If it weren't so messy, it would be higher on the list.

9. Aly and I love to play a game where we fold a piece of paper in half and one of us draws a head of some sort with a neck that comes down just to the top of the other half. Then the other person, without seeing the head, draws some sort of body. It's a blast! We try so hard to choose a body or head that will end up looking ridiculous but we often end up drawing something similar. Imagine that. For example, when you unfold the paper you may have a Christmas tree with a duck head or an ogre's head on the body of a fish. Yeah, it's a blast!

8. Board games. This is unfortunately not something we do often. And that is Rachel's fault. But I love her anyway.

7. Taking pictures and scrapbooking them. I am not a scrapbooker. I would love to be but I'd need more time and money. However, this summer we had "Mugshot Mondays" and "Foto Page Fridays" and we had such great time with it. I bought everyone an 8x8 album and a large pack of colored 8x8 paper and each week I'd buy new stickers. The kids all had a great time designing their pages and now they each have an album of summer memories.

6. Movie nights with popcorn and junior mints. Yum!!!

7. Grocery shopping. Or not.

6. Reading. I love, love, love children's picture books. But. I was so excited when the kids were getting old enough to start reading some bigger books. We have read "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" all together but so far that's it. See, when Rachel was due we were in the habit of reading a little bit each night at bedtime and I was afraid that a new baby in the house would be the end of that. Well, I was pleasantly surprised to find out I was wrong. But when you have a new toddler in the house...bedtime reading time went out the window.

5. Being out at a forest preserve or state park. You know, where ever there are plenty of trees to climb, walking sticks to be found, trails to explore, and of course, mud, rocks, and water. These things always add up to a great adventure.

4. Scavenger hunts. There are so many ways to make a "hunt" at home and it can be quite simple or you can get really creative. My favorite was when I chose several books and put them in a pile. Their first "clue" told them which book to read and at the end of the book was a "clue" in the form of a question from the book. That answer would lead them somewhere in the house to their next book assignment and eventually it led them all out to the mailbox where they got a note that said we could go to McDonald's for dinner. It was a great way to "trick" them into reading! Not that it's all that hard to get them to read.

3. Painting! Our front room has fairly bare walls so quite awhile ago, I gave each of the kids a large piece of paper from one of the rolls at church and I taped them to the driveway and gave them paints and let them go to town on their own masterpieces for the walls. They loved it, I loved it, Gary loved the finished product but really wished we had not painted on the driveway. (Who knew craft paint wouldn't wash off the driveway?)

2. Praying. This one needs no explanation but it's a wonderful thing to teach kids how to pray by praying with them and it is so very sweet to hear what's on their hearts.

1. Devotions. I confess I am so terrible about this. I want it to be part of our routine but I fail miserably. When we do devotions together it's wonderful. I love to hear the questions they have and see them start to understand things about God. I want with all my heart to pass on to them the things that God has shown and taught me. The things that the world will not tell them, and in fact, will deny. Training children up in the way they should go is just not a passive thing. I don't want to just take them to church, sunday school, Awanas, and youth group and then hope for the best. I want to be actively teaching my children about the God we serve.

Not Me Monday!

2008-10-20T08:37:00.002-05:00

Last week, I did not take the kids to the state park when they had no school on Monday. So, I could not have allowed Garrett to keep the little frog that he couldn't have found, since we weren't there, ya know. (He was not the size of my thumb nail and cute as a button either!)

I did not agree to let them bring little frog home because I figured he'd only live a couple days and then we'd be rid of him. That would be heartless.

I also did not break down and buy him a beta fish tank and ceramic frog for a home when it started to look like he might actually be around for awhile. I did not drive Garrett to and from school on Thursday so he could take little frog to show his class.

I did not start to get attached to little frog and consider posting his picture and introducing him on my blog. Nope.

I did not go into the kitchen this morning with the kids and find that little frog is gone. And by gone I only wish I meant dead. He very well may be dead, but we don't know...because he's gone!!! I mean...not gone...oh, forget it.....The little frog is gone and I don't know where he is and it's really really creeping me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not losing it. Nope.

If you want to read about all the things other people did not do this past week, then check out MckMama's site!

The Glass is Half Full

2008-10-16T17:46:00.003-05:00

I have let go of my guilt over not having a clean house lately. I can only do what I can do and the last two weeks my energy level has definitely only been half full. So, I have decided to look around at all that is patiently awaiting my attention with a positive attitude.

For example.

The kitchen floor this morning? Instead of getting upset about the salty mess Rachel left me when she found the shaker, I looked at the mess and realized that the floor was just half full...of salt.

The dishes in the sink didn't get me down. Why? Because they were all half full. Of milk, cereal, juice. But hey, they could have been half empty so I didn't complain.

I was feeling better already, but there's more.

I went into the bathroom and discovered that my dirty clothes hamper was half full! Wonderful! So what if it was only half full because most of the dirty laundry is strewn all over the floor...of every room in the house?

I was really starting to get the hang of this "glass is half full" perspective by this point. Throughout the day I noticed many other things.

Like the bed was not unmade it was half made. I decided that the fitted sheet and pillowcases being where they belonged should count for something, right?

The bathroom mirror is not a complete mess. Only half of the mirror is smeared with toothpaste.

The shelves that are supposed to hold all of our movies? Half full! Woohoo!

My cupboards are half full but that didn't make me feel better because they are only in that condition because my counter tops are still completely full of the groceries I bought yesterday.

But when I really look around this house, what I find is that I am blessed. God has given me four beautiful kids to raise and to love and one more to add to our home and our hearts. So, while my glass is half full, the real truth is that "my cup runneth over."

*I would love to end this post on a sweet sentiment, but I cannot. I can't not share the conversation Kristin and I had about "my cup runneth over", which is Psalm 23:5 by the way. We were discussing things one day and were feeling especially blessed. We felt that a cup running over did not begin to describe how fully God had blessed us. We were quite possibly over-tired and delirious when we made this new catch phrase, so bear that in mind when you read this!

When we feel blessed beyond belief we say we are "licking the floor!" Why would we say that, you ask? Because not only is our cup running over, but so is the saucer beneath it and it's spilling onto the floor!

I told you. Over-tired. Delirious. I wasn't kidding about that. Cut us some slack.

Remembering

2008-10-15T14:27:00.004-05:00

Today is the National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss.

Angie Smith has written a beautiful post for today and asked people to share their stories of little ones they have lost so that they can be lifted up in prayer.

I have read through several stories and prayed for women I don't know. I've cried for them today and also for Max. (I've shared our pre-birth name tradition already) Max was our second baby. He was due on my birthday in 2000 but I had an appointment at 11 weeks (Nov. of 1999) and the doctor heard no heartbeat. He confirmed with an ultrasound that my uterus was already shrinking and the baby was gone.

In remembrance of Max I want to share the poem I wrote for him a year and a half after I lost him, when he would have been turning 1.

To Have Been Touched

You were with me
but only for a short while.
A beautiful soul
my arms would never hold.
I long to have known your touch
or felt your smile.
You are frozen in my dreams
where you will never grow old.
A void. An emptiness.
An absence felt so deep.
A precious heart
whose beat I never heard.
I'll always love you
but you weren't mine to keep.
A pain intensified by those
who don't believe you were.

Dear Ollie,

2008-10-09T12:19:00.000-05:00

My pants are too tight. You are only the size of a lentil bean.

That's not right.

God has been doing some amazing knitting.

You are busy growing lungs, arms and legs, eyes and ears, with a little heart pumping twice as fast as mine.

Me?

I. Am. Tired.

Yesterday, I had to lie down after lunch. I set the alarm clock so that I would not rest too long and not be able to grocery shop before the bus came.

Earlier in the week, I had to set the alarm for 10:50 am because I was watching a movie with Rachel and Megan and was afraid I'd be sleeping when Garrett's bus came.

I'm so exhausted that I'm considering putting Rachel back in diapers because I don't feel up to potty training! I mean, when kids at school start teasing her, she'll decide to use the potty, right?

In my current state of exhaustion I am praying that I can avoid the sickness that comes next. But I know that whatever I go through on my way to your birth will be worth it.

Just the thought of your soft, silky hair on my cheek next summer makes me just not care that I hardly have enough energy to brush my own right now. (And trust me, I've got your sister's and brother's newborn pictures to prove that it is highly unlikely that you will be born bald.)

My life is already being changed by you.

My heart is already filled with love for you.

My prayers are already asking God to protect you as you grow and to draw you close to Him, into a personal relationship with Jesus.

Love,
Mom

Now, I'm going to go lie down.

Favorite Children's Book

2008-10-02T16:01:00.007-05:00

So, My Semblance of Sanity is having another contest! She is celebrating her 300th post and giving away an original illustration. All you have to do is write a post about your favorite children's book, link to the book on Amazon, and link back to her post. The winner is whoever chooses one of her 3 favorite books. I doubt I will do that. I would be shocked actually. But my favorite is my favorite so here is my post.

Actually, one favorite was too hard. I did finally choose an official favorite but if I'm going to talk about my favorite books I have to mention a few.

First, one of my favorites from my childhood is "Play Ball, Amelia Bedelia", by Peggy Parish. How can you not love Amelia Bedelia? She is sweet and silly and completely lacking in sense. Every page has you wondering what she will misunderstand next. There's no better ending to a baseball game than running "home" and serving up warm cookies on home plate.

My next favorite is more recent. I got "Today I Feel Silly", by Jamie Lee Curtis, when Aly was just a toddler. We loved to read this book together. It's rhyme's are catchy and even before Aly could read she was finishing my sentences when we read this book. It was always a hit and we laughed together a lot over the many moods and adorable illustrations. (We really loved her cat, Franny!) If you love to laugh with your kids, you must, must, must buy this book!

Next up is "Everything I Know About Monsters", by Tom Lichtenheld. I can not begin to explain how hilarious this book is. Tracy's son came home with it from the school library when he and Aly were both in Kindergarten. She actually called me on the phone and read me the book because she couldn't wait for me to hear it! We were crying we were laughing so hard. Aly kept asking the librarian for it and she finally told Billy he had to choose a different book so other people could have a turn because he loved it so much that he rechecked it out for several weeks in a row! It is that funny!

I can not talk about favorite books without mentioning "Big Dog...Little Dog", by P.D. Eastman. I still have the copy I read over and over as a kid. It's a story of opposites and the adventures of Ted and Fred. Fred uses green paint, drives slow in his green car. Ted uses red paint and drives fast in his red car. One of them plays the tuba and one plays the flute. They are just so cute and the little bird at the end of the book solves their little vacation dilemma and they exclaim "The bird's got the word!" Sorry, I just remember that line very well!

But my all-time favorite will forever be "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", by Dr. Seuss. I had this book memorized as a kid. I remember curling up in my bean bag chair, in pajamas, with my book in hand to follow along when the cartoon came on television. I loved all the little whos and their silly toys and food. And I always felt so bad for little Max. I just love that the mean old Grinch has a change of heart and is welcomed by the little whos and even ends up carving the roast beast. What a great story of forgiveness.

Well, that's my list.

My official favorite is "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", but I just couldn't stand not to introduce you to all of my favorites! If anyone wants to join the contest just hop over here and follow the rules!

Top Ten Tuesday

2008-09-30T06:00:00.001-05:00

I present to you the top ten list I was going to post last week before "Ollie" took precedence!

Top Ten Favorite Phrases From My Kids

10) "I'm a great painter." This is what Aly said to me one morning that clued me in to the fact that something might be amiss in the bathroom. Sure enough, she had found my craft paint and painted a patch on the nice white wall and also the rim around the sink. And she really was a great painter, the cat was lying in the sink without a spot of paint on him.

9) Number 9 is a tie between "Can I get a kitten now?" and "Can I call Kaetlyn and tell her?" Both said by Aly. The first was hollered out the back door as we attempted to get Buster out from under the neighbor's deck before the mama bunny killed him. The second was what she asked me immediately after finding out Buster was dead and viewing his grave marker. She really does have a heart...somewhere.

8) "Thank you God, for fixing it." This was the prayer Aidan prayed when he was about 4 and our car wouldn't start, I said we needed to pray and he offered to.

7) "Mommy, flush, has, ye-yems?" Music to my ears from Rachel when she tells me she needs to flush, wash her hands, and get some M&M's!

6) "Picy" (as in "spicy") - This is what Garrett told me one morning when he was 2 and I found an open bottle of Tabasco sauce on the floor next to the fridge and asked him "what is this?". He is our resident sleep-walker, by the way.

5) "I didn't save the day!" Poor Aidan was just 3 or 4 when he yelled for me to help him in the tub. He had his finger sticking in the drain holding on to a barbie skirt that was being sucked down. This is what he cried out when it finally slipped away.

4) "Peace!" - said by Rachel every time she's pointing something at you that even remotely resembles a gun (her fav would be the letter "L" puzzle piece)!

3) "A paleontologist." Said by Garrett when asked at his preschool graduation "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

2) "I just want Jesus to control me!" I took the kids to the grocery store, Aidan was about 4 and it was not a good trip. Aidan was so badly behaved that I was actually in shock. When we got home he threw himself down in the middle of the floor and that is what he said. Amen, Aidan, Amen.

1) "God kicked me!!" I was pregnant with Aidan, Aly was just 3, and one day after learning all about (and feeling) baby's kicking in the womb, she ran into my room with her little hand over her heart announcing this! (in case you haven't figured this out...she had felt her heartbeat)

Fireproof

2008-09-29T08:41:00.002-05:00

"FIREPROOF. Never leave your partner behind."

Go. See. This. Movie.

You must.

If you are married...go see this movie.

If you are single...go see this movie.

If you are...yeah, just go see this movie!

Gary and I were able to see it Saturday night. Ever since seeing previews online we have both been so anxious for it to come out. We loved the first movie these guys made, "Flywheel." Even with the cheesy acting, it was a good movie. Their second movie "Facing the Giants" was even better! A little lighter on the cheese and a really great story. "Fireproof" is their third movie and I believe that people need to see it.

I'll admit, the first three minutes of the movie made me fear that I was in for a whole lot of cheese but then it took off and turned out to be an excellent movie with a life changing message.

The message? Well, here's what I took away. We all need Jesus. No matter how good or successful people are, we are all sinners in need of Jesus. My favorite line (without giving anything away) was when Caleb's dad told him, "You can't love your wife because you can't give her what you don't have." He needed Jesus. All of his efforts to salvage his marriage were futile until Jesus changed his heart.

I cannot say enough about this movie. I am praying for everyone who will see this movie, for them to allow Christ to change them and for satan to stop winning so many battles because husbands and wives are giving up.

Not Me Monday!

2008-09-29T08:04:00.002-05:00

Well, this "Not Me Monday" game is becoming difficult for me. I know, I know, it's only the second one! There just isn't a lot I'm embarrassed not to admit I've done. Well, at least not just this past week.

I could just post that I did not get so into the praise music Gary had playing last night while we made dinner that I absent mindedly rinsed dishes over the ground beef draining in the sink.

I could post that I did not have to stop singing in church yesterday because "Days of Elijah" was bringing me to tears and I was about to actually sob. I mean, I'm only just barely pregnant, I can't be that hormonal yet!

I could even post that I did not buy myself a pint of Ben and Jerry's Karmel Sutra ice cream with the intention of eating it all myself after the kids went to bed because, well, I'm pregnant now and I'm going to gain weight anyway I might as well enjoy it. Then I did not eat it in front of my husband (who had no ice cream because his wife is a little selfish and didn't think of him while she was strolling through the frozen section). Then I did not feel guilty and tell him that I wasn't going to eat it all in hopes that it sounded like I intended to share. And I definitely did not give him what was left after I ate all the carmel out of the middle. That would have been wrong.

I could also post how I did not just discover that although ctrl+i will turn on the italics, ctrl+n will open up a new window. And I certainly did not just open up a new window every time I tried to type in italics! (except for that last one.)

I could post all that. But I won't. Maybe next week I'll have something good. If you want to read some Not Me Monday posts just hop over to MckMama's site and have fun!

In Search of Suggestions?

2008-09-27T08:03:00.002-05:00

I was thinking about what we do when we have a problem. When something in our lives is not going the way we would like it to go. When we are working toward a goal and not getting very far. When we are at our wit's end and all of our ideas have been exhausted and nothing has worked.

We search for suggestions.

We ask friends for some pointers. We ask family members for ideas. We watch Oprah or Dr. Phil in hopes of gaining some insight. We write to Dear Abby for advice. (We even eavesdrop at the McDonald's play land when we hear other moms discussing the very issue we are having with our own toddler.)

We gather suggestions, advice, fresh ideas, and different perspectives. Then we sort through what we've found to find something that seems best. We take the ones that seem right, pitch the ones that seem ridiculous and press on toward our goal in hopes that we are now armed with the key to success.

I wonder.

Is that how we approach God?

Is He just there for those times when we've tried everything we know and nothing's worked? Is He just another place to look for suggestions? Are we just asking Him for advice so that we can weigh it against all the other advice we're collecting and choose which seems right to us?

Or.

Do we skip the part where we exhaust our own ideas in the first place? Do we seek Him first? Do we search His Word for answers instead of suggestions? Do we judge everything else we hear and are told by His Word?

Do we ask for His direction intending to obey or do we ask for His direction so that we can decide if His Word works for us?

I want to seek God's Word and no one else's. I want to listen for His direction and follow it in obedience. I want to open up the Bible knowing that what I will find is right. I want to believe the Word of God when it makes sense to me and when it doesn't. When I like what He has to say and when my flesh doesn't want to hear it.

I believe that everything God has said to me and everything He will ever say is true and right. So when I'm waiting to hear from Him, I believe that I am waiting for an answer not a suggestion.

James 1:5-8 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

James 1:22-25 "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."

The Story of Oliver

2008-09-26T08:25:00.002-05:00

It's real. It's really real! I want to share the story of how "Ollie" came to be. (No, not the health class version!)

When Gary and I were separated I was very unsure of what our future would be. I was trusting God with my future without any indication from Him which way it would be turning. I remember telling a friend that there was one thing that I was sure of. If our marriage was restored, Gary would want another baby.

Oh, yeah, I saw it coming. So, I dug my heels in and took a firm stand on the issue. And God did restore our marriage and it wasn't long after he came back home that I found myself having conversations with Gary about baby number 5.

He loved the idea of having another baby and I had already prepared myself to argue with him. Now, it wasn't causing a problem in our relationship but God did tell me that it was something we needed to work out or down the road it would. We discussed this and decided that we would pray for God's leading on the issue and pray that we would be of like-mind. I started praying that our desires would be the same. That we would both desire a fifth child or both feel content with our four.

Obviously, the answer to our prayer was going to involve God changing one of us.

I was certain that it would not be me.

I was wrong.

There was a day in August that I felt sick. The kind of sick that I only feel when I'm pregnant. I told myself it was too soon and then immediately thought back to my pregnancy with Rachel. That was enough to make me realize that just because I shouldn't be pregnant doesn't mean I'm not. That was the only day I felt sick and that was the only thing that made me wonder if I might be pregnant. The next three weeks were terribly long.

God had not yet changed my desire but the fact that I might be pregnant was very exciting. I didn't know if I really wanted another baby or if I was just excited because, well, let's face it, once they're on the way I can't help but love them already! And guess what? I was late! I am never late. But. The pregnancy test was negative. Of course, Rachel had already taught me not to take comfort in negative tests (3 negative home tests and a negative blood test at the doctor's office will do that)! But two days later I had further proof.

I remember asking God (out loud, even), "Why? Why did you let me be late if I'm not pregnant?"

The moment I asked, He told me, "So you would know you want a baby."

So, Gary and I spent the month of September praying for a baby. (See? I told you I wasn't going to share the health class version! And you are welcome.) I had a test left from August that I was planning on taking on the 25th. On the 23rd, Garrett, Rachel I had to run to the bank in the afternoon. On my way there, I felt that I needed to take the test when I got home.

Twenty minutes before the kids got home from school, I took that test. I watched the hourglass flash (I really love these new digital tests!) and started cleaning up the "evidence" so I wouldn't have to explain anything to the kids. My plan was to call Kristin and check the results while on the phone with her, but I turned to leave the bathroom and the word "pregnant" caught my eye!

I'm not sure how long I stared at that word but I do know I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening pacing and accomplishing nothing because I just didn't know what to do with myself!

I had emailed a picture of the test to Gary at work and I think I got a call from him 5 minutes later! In the email I asked if he would agree to the name "Ollie". Now, you have to understand something. We give our babies "pre-birth" names in this family. We choose a boy name and until we know who is joining our family, that is the name we use and the baby is a "he" not an "it."

So far, we've had "Billy-Bob", "Max" (who we didn't get to keep longer than 10 weeks in my womb), "Mario", Gilbert", and "Russel". And now, God has blessed us with "Ollie"!!!!!!

I can hardly believe that He is allowing me to have the honor of a having new little life knit together in my womb. I feel so blessed and humbled at the same time!

And the kids? Well, after Aly's initial weeping and wailing, she called her best friend and they now have this baby's whole summer planned! Aidan reminded me that one time he said we should have another baby and it should be a boy. I did remember that. I had told him no way. So, he reasoned that because us having a baby came true, it would also come true that it would be a boy. Garrett? Garrett said it's fake. He doesn't believe me. Of course he also stated at bedtime that "if it's a boy we're keeping him in here." And Rachel already knows to lift my shirt up when someone says the word "baby". Super.

Top Ten Tuesday

2008-09-23T17:45:00.001-05:00

I had a Top Ten Tuesday list all written and ready to post. Then something changed. So, here's my new top ten for today and you'll get to read my first one next Tuesday.

Top Ten Signs You Are Ready for a Fifth Child

10) You start getting rid of "baby stuff" your 2 year old doesn't use anymore.

9) You gain 5 pounds and the thought crosses your mind that it wouldn't be a big deal if you were pregnant.

8) You look at your kid's bedrooms and think "with bunk beds a crib would fit in here."

7) You find yourself discussing baby names with your husband and whether they would sound nice with your other kid's names.

6) Three of your four kids start school in the fall and you don't start counting how many more years until they're all in school.

5) When the big kids are in school, you find yourself asking your toddler questions like "how would like a baby brother or sister?"

4) You hear mom's talk about newborns and sleepless nights and you actually remember those midnight feedings with fondness.

3) You recall all the horrible aspects of your last pregnancy, and how it was your hardest, and it actually makes you sad to think you'll never be pregnant again.

2) You comfort a crying 8 month old for 45 minutes before he's even close to being comforted and during those 45 minutes, you look at him and think things like "oh, I miss this age!"

1) Drum roll, please...The number one sign I'm ready for a fifth child is that "Ollie" is already on the way!!!!!! Can you believe that??? Read it for yourself...

A Biblical Case for Blogging

2008-09-23T09:24:00.000-05:00

I have said from the beginning that this blog is as much for me as for anyone else who may read it. I forget things. Yes, even important things. It is humbling to know that God is revealing Himself to me in so many ways I can't list them all. Of course the first and foremost way is through His Word (FYI - that's why He wrote it)! I don't want to forget anything. So I'm writing it down. From the 2x4 moments to the still small voice moments and even the learning from my children moments, I put them down so that I won't forget...or so that when I do forget I can be reminded.

I was reading Esther and came across what I consider to be proof that blogging is important.

Let me share. (like you can stop me)

If you don't know the story of Esther, you really should just go read it. Really, it's not that long and you can find it right here.

So, the story of Esther speaks of how God works in everything and brings people to places in their lives for His purpose. Esther found herself in a position to save her entire people (the Jews) from being annihilated. Yikes! As Mordecai (he had raised her after her parents died) said to her "And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) I love that.

A bit of background, Mordecai ratted on a couple of guards who were conspiring to kill King Xerxes. He then made a not-so-good impression on Haman, who was one of the king's officials, by not kneeling down to him. Haman, with a lot of really great advice from his wife and friends (yeah, it wasn't good at all) decided that punishing Mordecai for this offense would just not satisfy his anger so he talked the king into letting him take out all of the Jews.

This is where it becomes clear why God placed Esther in the royal family. As Haman is plotting and delighting in the thought of taking his revenge, God is working through Esther to save His people. Haman makes plans to get the kings permission to hang Mordecai and even has a gallows built specifically for the event. But on the very night he's building the gallows, Esther 6:1 says "That night the king could not sleep; so he ordered the book of the chronicles, the record of his reign, to be brought in and read to him." And what did the king read? He read about what Mordecai had done to save his life. He found out that nothing had been done to reward Mordecai and decided that the next day he would see to it that he was honored.

Did you read it? Things did not go well for Haman. Not well at all.

When I read that the king had the chronicles brought in and read to him, all I could think was, "Whew, it's a good thing they wrote it down!" But that's just how amazing God is. That's how in control He is. What looks to us like it's been forgotten, He will bring it to light. In His time.

I also found a Biblical case for blogging in Ezra. Ezra 1:1 says "In the first year of Cyrus king of Persia, in order to fulfill the word of the Lord spoken by Jeremiah, the Lord moved the heart of Cyrus king of Persia to make a proclamation throughout his realm and to put it in writing."

God didn't just move the king to free the Jews and send them on their way to rebuild God's temple in Jerusalem. He also moved him to write it down! Later, years later in reality but only a few chapters later in the book, men rose up against the Jews and sent word to the new king that the Jews should be stopped. Can you guess what happened? The king went to the records and not only was it proven that King Cyrus issued the decree that the temple be rebuilt, but then King Darius decreed that it should be funded by the royal treasury. "Whew, it's a good thing they wrote it down!"

But seriously, I love that God is in complete control. He is never scrambling for a plan B because His plan A didn't pan out. When those events were being recorded He already knew what purpose they would serve. He puts everything in position for His will to be done.

So I write. And sometimes I just write about potty training tales (which is going very well, thank you for asking) and sometimes I write what I've seen God do or what He's teaching me. Sometimes He uses my writing to speak to me and I hope that He will use it to speak to others as well. Because all I want is to be used by Him.

Testimony

2008-09-22T08:31:00.002-05:00

I do not know why I have waited this long. We attended our church membership class on Aug. 16 and our next step was supposed to be filling out the application with our testimony. Simple, right? I thought so...but that was a month ago.

This isn't a difficult thing. I've told my testimony before. I love writing. So why can't I write my testimony? A big problem has, of course, been that I do tend to procrastinate. Especially if what I need to do is simple and I have plenty of time. Well, now I am running out of time and it's not simple!

I've decided that I will type my testimony and then print it. (They'd never be able to read my handwriting anyway.) And as long as I'm typing it, I might as well just post it on my blog.

How's that for a long, drawn-out, wordy version of why I'm sharing with you my testimony? So, without further ado...

It was after a Sunday school class, when I was just six, that I accepted Jesus as my Savior. I remember praying with my teacher behind the big classroom curtain. She gave me a small black Bible and wrote inside the cover "On October 28, 1979 Robin became a part of God's family." I grew up in the church. We went to service and Sunday school and eventually even Sunday evening services. I was in Awanas, the youth group, and the Bible quiz team. And I went to Camp Timber-lee for a week the summer after 5th grade. It was that week that God spoke to me through another camper and showed me just how real He is. After lights out in our cabin the last night, I cried as I prayed. I knew I wanted to grow closer to God, to know Him more. I knew how real my salvation was and wanted to share the message of salvation with others. It was then that I knew I wanted to live my life for Him.

So. How real is my salvation? How do I know?

I am a sinner. Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."
The penalty for my sin is death. Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Even though I am a sinner, God loves me. Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
It is only through Jesus that I can be accepted by God. John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
I know that I am saved because God's Word says, "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10:9-10
I belong to God and I am sure of my salvation. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ, He annointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit guaranteeing what is to come."

Not Me Monday!

2008-09-21T21:26:00.003-05:00

MckMama has a fun little "game" on her blog, My Charming Kids. She and her readers post all of the things the claim they didn't do. Very fun.

Now I, myself, really have nothing to add. I mean, what would I possibly have done that I would be embarrassed to admit? Nothing really.

Because I certainly did not stay up until 1am decorating a birthday cake and then get lazy Sunday morning. I did not take Rachel's diaper off in the morning only to later have Aly remind me of Rachel's bare-bottom when I asked her to buckle Rachel in her car seat. That just would never have happened. And I cerainly did not drive half way to church before it occured to me that I hadn't put Rachel's shoes on. Nope. I did not ask the kids if Rachel's shoes were on and they did not tell me "no." My van is not starting to become a "junk drawer" on wheels so I did not find another pair of shoes for her when we got to church. I did not have to carry her into the building when the shoes didn't fit and she started lagging behind at a snail's pace (or possibly slower). No way. Not me!

So, like I said, I have nothing to contribute to the game, but it's still fun to read everyone else's!

(Oh, and here's a picture of the cake! - you know, the one I did not stay up late decorating.)

disclaimer: I decorated this cake exactly the way Geneva requested it. She was very specific about each and every detail and I was just glad she didn't go with her original choice which was "Cheetah Girls". That would have been a challenge.

Sadness and Joy

2008-09-18T19:18:00.000-05:00

Six years ago today, we sat with family at the hospital to say goodbye to my Grandpa.

It was just three weeks after he met the great-grandson named after him. (Garrett's name is a combination of Gary, his dad and grandpa, and Everett, my grandpa.)

I hate that my memories of that day are fading. I want to remember what I said to him that morning and whose hand it was he squeezed. I think the squeeze came after Aly was mentioned.

But really, those are not the memories I want to keep.

I remember riding in his brown pick-up truck. I remember the combines, the corn, the cats...I remember the farm. I remember the popcorn bowls we used when we slept over night. I remember the comb he always had in his shirt pocket. The one he always let us use to comb the hair on his arms. I remember the appetizing doggie boxes he took home every time we went out to eat. I remember laughing a lot.

I remember him singing "Mr. Johnny Verbeck" and "one night, as I lay on my pillow, one night as I lay on my bed, I stuck my feet out the window and in the morning my neighbors were dead." I remember Christmas Eves and I remember the miniature candy bars hidden everywhere on Easter Sunday. I remember finding some candy bars on Christmas Eve left over from Easter Sunday! I remember laughing a lot.

I remember him walking into our house with green tongue on St. Patrick's day. I remember him taking his teeth out. I don't remember if he did that to scare us or make us laugh. I remember when he got a perm!?! I remember checking every phone booth for change and him opening up his door at toll booths, for more change. I remember White Sox games. I remember laughing a lot.

I remember each time he met a new grand baby. I remember him and Aly serving the cat "tea" in the high chair. I remember him laughing a lot. I remember him.

This is the poem I wrote six years ago for his funeral service.

Sadness and Joy

We have sadness,
for we'll miss his hug,
his handshake,
his always smiling face.

But he has joy
for he's face to face
with his Father in heaven
where Jesus has prepared him a place.

We have sadness
for we'll miss him when we gather
wishing he were there again
with his laughter and his cheer.

But he has joy
for he's gathering in heaven
praising and worshipping God
with loved ones he held dear.

We have sadness
for we'll miss all of his visits
he was always on the go.

But he has joy
for he's still traveling
but now it's on streets of gold.

We have sadness
for we miss him as we look back
and reflect on the life he had.

But he has joy
for he can see the reflection
from the sea of glass
as he walks with Jesus, he will never be sad.

We have sadness
for we'll miss his prescence in our daily lives
and selfishly wish that he could stay.

But we can have joy
for if we accept
the gift God wants to give
we will be with him again one day!

September 21, 2002

A Contest

2008-09-18T11:18:00.003-05:00

Okay, there is a blog I love to read called "My Semblance of Sanity" and she is having a contest. She wrote a post comparing her life to a circus (not that I can relate to that!!!) and asked readers to, "Tell me about your life IN THE CIRCUS and what position at the circus you feel you are most worthy of...tightrope walker, the lion tamer, sideshow freak, trapeze artist, clown, the audience...did I miss anything? The best "quote" or scenario will win this book."

The book is this wordless picture book, and I can not resist a picture book, you know!

Go check it out, I know you want to.

Top Ten Tursday

2008-09-18T06:00:00.000-05:00

Kristin, this is how much I love you. Because you enjoyed my top ten list, and because apparently you feel like a week is too long to wait (not surprising!) I give you the first (and last) ever Top Ten Tursday.

Top Ten Things I Love About Kristin

10 - I love that she actually says "ouch" when those "2x4 moments" occur.

9 - I love that she's always trying to feed people (even if it's gum).

8 - I love that she pouts every time someone turns down her food/gum. (And deep down, that's probably why I turn her down...that and I don't like gum.)

7 - I love that she loves to laugh...even at herself. And that she makes me laugh, too.

6 - I love that she knows how to give the perfect foot massage...I just wish I had known that about her sooner and maybe I could have avoided the evil Pitocin during labor! (I have to sing her praises here - she offered this massage the day before they induced my labor with Rachel and it worked! I was contracting on my own and dilated to 3 when I checked in...we should have tried it sooner because they still went ahead with Pitocin - 4cm to 10cm in 20 minutes is no picnic!)

5 - I love that she will celebrate or grieve with me like it's her own joy or sorrow.

4 - I love that I can tell her the truth because I know she wants the truth.

3 - I love that I can count on her to interrupt our conversation and start to pray.

2 - I love that through our friendship I grow closer to the Lord.

1 - I love sharing our journey's together, and knowing that when it's all said and done we'll be hanging out together for eternity.

And I just can't end a post about Kristin without saying:

"Ah-ha, said the blind man...I mean, woman!"

Fall Bible Study

2008-09-17T13:41:00.000-05:00

This morning was the first day of our women's bible study. I love, love, love fall bible study at my church!

Three years ago, I went to my very first bible study at Hope. I didn't know anyone there. I only occasionally attended the church. My marriage was falling apart. I had just found out that I was pregnant with our fourth child. And a month into the study, my husband lost his job. I was a mess.

And the study? Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" - what else?

In the last three years I have grown so much closer to the Lord. No, it's not because the number of bible studies I've taken equates to higher grades on my spiritual report card.

Here is why I love our bible studies.

Iron sharpens iron. I have met wonderful women who I had previously only seen in the halls on Sunday mornings. God has taught me many, many lessons through these women and their lives. One such lesson was from Dorothy Fett. She commented one morning about her belief that these bible studies should not be our only time in God's Word. They should be in addition to a quiet time with Him. Without her words, I would still be investing very little into my relationship with the Lord.

Friendships. I am developing friendships with women that love the Lord. I met my friend, Candy during my very first bible study and have not been put in the same small group with her since. (This is most likely for the same reason my daughter and her best friend have not been in the same class since the first grade...)

God. You just can't go wrong with something that gets you opening up God's Word and knowing Him more deeply.

Today, for the first morning of our fall study, we met our groups and got to know each other. I love my group already and I especially loved being able to introduce myself this time. It's a brand new introduction from the last 3 years.

With each introduction it seemed that "oh, and I have a husband" became everyone's last line. When it came around to me and I mentioned my 4 children, I was able to say "and by the grace of God I have a husband!" I loved being able to share our story in a nutshell.

The nutshell version? Gary "became a Christian" when we were first dating. I had been saved at the age of five and grew up in the church. He was very much stuck in sin that went unaddressed and did not grow in his relationship with the Lord. I allowed my growth to be stunted by his stunted growth and together we made four kids and a big mess. But God was working on us and brought us through many, many things, including a separation, to bring us back to Him. And now He's brought us back to each other.

So, did I mention that I love our bible studies?

I have thoughts that stuck out to me about the actual bible study this morning, but I'll have to write that later!

Top Ten Tuesday

2008-09-16T10:18:00.000-05:00

I love some of the theme posts other bloggers do so I've been trying to decide on a theme I'd like to do. So here it is. Each Tuesday I will attempt to post a top ten list.

Today?

Top Ten Indicators That I Am Not Meant to Homeschool My Children

10 - Math.

9 - I am barely organized enough to get them all up, dressed, fed, and out the door each morning.

8 - I spend 60 minutes each evening getting my daughter to do 20 minutes of trumpet practice.

7 - Math.

6 - I get to having too much fun and forget to check homework until after bedtime.

5 - When my daughter's teacher told me at our conference that Aly was unorganized I told her "it's genetic, there's nothing we can do about that."

4 - Math.

3 - Have you heard Aly and I working on homework together?

2 - Paper overwhelms me. I get very stressed out when there are papers around.

1 - Last week I sent my Kindergartner to the bus stop with his backpack and a red crayon, and instructed him to finish his homework on the bus! My kindergartner!

(And apparently I can't spell Home school - according to spell check it is two words unless you are saying homeshooling, then it's one word? I guess you can add spelling to my list, or would that be grammar?)

I Promise

2008-09-12T22:35:00.003-05:00

Okay, I promise that I will not always be posting about potty-training. I promise I will not document each and every detail and rename my blog "Rachel's Journey to Big-Girl Pants."

But there are moments with my kids that I want to remember forever. So I have to talk one more time about the potty. I just don't want to forget.

We had a great success today.

While jumping on my bed she turned to me and said, "Uh-oh, mommy. Yucky." She scrambled to climb down off the bed and I grabbed her before her feet hit the floor and whisked her into the bathroom and onto the potty. And then she peed! (While she was still going I was in the bedroom checking my sheets...which were dry!)

She has never looked so excited before. We cheered and she exclaimed, "Did it! Rachel did it!" Then came the flush, the washing of hands, and the M&M's (yes I had some left). We thought it would be fun to call Grandma and tell her, so I dialed and gave the phone to Rachel. When my Mom answered, Rachel announced, "Did it!" They "talked" for a minute and then my Mom and I talked for a minute. We mostly mulled over what in world "has" meant and why Rachel kept repeating it on the phone to her.

Oh, it gets better.

Not long after this, I headed downstairs with Garrett to help him on the computer. As I sat at the desk trying every Webkinz username/password combo that I could think to try (we still didn't get it) I heard the toilet lid shut. Then a flush. Still working on that password. Then a cupboard door. Trying all caps then no caps. Then I realized she must have found the M&M's! Ugh. I just couldn't tear myself away from the task of remembering that password! Then a beep. It took a few seconds for it to register.

That beep was the phone!

I headed upstairs where Rachel was perched on the bathroom counter with the M&M's and the phone! When I asked her to give me the phone, she handed it to me, pleading, "No. Rachel. Gam."

She had called Grandma!!!

She's trained all right.

I'm just glad she didn't dial and tell a 911 operator, "Did it! Rachel did it!"

And just to see if anyone is reading, let me know if you think you can figure out what "has" meant! We did figure it out eventually!

What I'm Learning Today

2008-09-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

I was going to write about some lessons God's been teaching me lately. There are several at the moment. I really want to sit down with thoughts I've been having about my focus. I will do that later.

Right now, my focus has shifted to Rachel. And here's what I've learned from her:

If you're going to play with an imaginary baseball in the house, you should really use an imaginary bat too.

I know. I'm 35 years old, I shouldn't still be learning this lesson. But she was so cute standing there with a plastic bat resting on her shoulder handing me an imaginary ball and saying "Mommy, base ball?"

What else could I do but pitch for her?

There were close calls but no real damage done.

We had a great game of indoor semi-imaginary baseball.

With each pitch she would swing, drop the bat, turn around and run, grab "the ball", run back and hand it to me. I'm not sure if home plate was in between the pitcher and first base or if she actually missed every pitch and because we didn't have a catcher (not even an imaginary one) she had to get the ball for me. Just add that to the long list of things I'll never know.

Today is the Day

2008-09-11T09:51:00.003-05:00

Now I am serious.

I've already mentioned some reasons why Rachel is not yet potty trained. All of my excuses became obsolete when everyone went back to school. Also, I acknowledge that I have just been lazy.

Well, a few weeks ago I bought princess underwear and a bag of M&M's. The underwear is tucked nicely in her drawer and I ate all the M&M's myself.

I have renewed my determination. I've got a new bag of M&M's now and, in the words of SpongeBob, "I'm ready!"

Game on.

(I'll let you know how we do...and if I end up having to switch to sticker rewards.)

**UPDATE:
I asked Rachel if she needed to go potty and she said yes. She proceeded to walk into the bathroom and shut the door. After a minute I heard a flush and then the toilet lid shut. When I opened the door she was sitting in the sink putting soap on her hands...and peeing.

May 19, 2009

2008-09-11T08:01:00.002-05:00

(disclaimer: this is really just a test to see if my Dad still checks my blog!)

I wrote a lullaby 2 years ago. Well, I wrote the lyrics. My brother and my Dad started writing the music. It was going to be a shower gift for a very dear friend. The shower came and went. The baby came and went...no the baby's still here, he's just grown. Of course, since he's still not walking, I guess we can still call him a baby.

And the lullaby? It will come. I just know it!

And guess what, guys? You have a new dead line!

We'll be needing that lullaby by May 19, 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not for me! For Tracy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!
(sorry, I just had to yell that one.)

I Know This is Fiction

2008-09-09T20:53:00.002-05:00

As I was putting kids to bed tonight, I was able to have a really great conversation with Aidan.

Earlier tonight he and Garrett had gone over to our friend's house for a while. When my friend brought them back she announced, "I've got to tell you what your son just did!"

I confess that a) I knew she was talking about Aidan and b) I knew it was not good.

Well, it was Aidan but it was a wonderful thing!

The boys had hopped into the car and each taken a window seat, leaving the middle for her daughter. This did not sit well with her daughter and a fit ensued. My friend asked Aidan if he could move over and let her have the window seat and he hopped right over. When she thanked him, he proceeded to tell her, "Well, we learned in Awanas that we should put God first, then others, then ourselves. So that's what I decided to do."

Go Aidan!!

So, I told him again at bedtime how proud I was that he had made that choice. We talked about several other things and then he said this...

(I'm going to try and type this exactly the way he said it!)

"Mom. I know this is fiction, but you know Meghan (he has a Megan in his class at school)? Well, she just seems like she never sins. But I know that's not right because we all sin! I know she sins but I don't know what her sin is. (then shaking his hands) But I don't want to know what her sin is because I don't like knowing sin."

How sweet is that?

And Meghan's mom. Be encouraged! (you probably do know her sin but don't tell Aidan!)

The Length of a Verse

2008-09-05T17:34:00.003-05:00

The house is quiet. This is not the norm for 5:30 in the evening.

It's date night!!!

The boys left with Kristin at 4:30 and the girls left at 5 with Sarah. Well, almost. Rachel fell asleep 5 minutes before Sarah came so I'll be dropping her off later.

So, I'm taking advantage of this time, before Gary gets home, to put down some thoughts that have been on my heart today. Lately, there have been so many things running through my mind that it's been overwhelming to sit and try to write them all. I'm going to try to capture just one.

I just finished 2 Chronicles today and am half way through Ezra. (I'll save you the trouble of looking up the "read through the Bible in a year" schedule and just tell you...I'm 3 weeks behind. Not to worry, I'm getting there.)

Throughout Chronicles I read of kings who did right in the eyes of the Lord only to be succeeded by a son who did evil in the eyes of the Lord. Just when you think the whole nation is about to face the wrath of God, the next king takes the throne and does right in the eyes of the Lord. It is quite a roller coaster. By the end of 2 Chronicles, the Israelites have finally done it. The roller coaster comes to an abrupt end as the nation is taken captive to Babylon. Well, the remnant who escaped from the sword were taken captive.

Thirty-six chapters. Up and down. Back and forth. Good then evil. Just when you think they have figured it out their king dies and his son starts sacrificing his own children to foreign gods. You, well, I, just wanted to scream, "What are you thinking??? Go back!!! Turn back to God!!! Can you not see a pattern here? Worship and obey God = peace and success. Worship other gods = defeat and God's wrath!!!" I mean, it's so obviously clear. It's right here in black and white. Just 36 chapters. How did they not get it?

And then I saw why they didn't get it. The very last chapter. Chapter 36. The last four kings of Judah are recorded and then the fall of Jerusalem.

The end of the chapter records the events of as Nebuchadnezzar attacks, kills, robs, destroys and captures.

In verse 20 we read that the remnant is taken captive.
In verse 21 we read that "the land enjoyed its sabbath rests; all the time of its desolation it rested, until the seventy years were completed in fulfillment of the word of the Lord spoken by Jeremiah."
And then 70 years later in verses 22 and 23 we get to hear the happy ending. They are set free, free to return home and rebuild the Lord's temple in Jerusalem.

It was just one verse. In the book! It was a lifetime to those who lived it. Literally, a lifetime. Some people would have died before the 70 years was over. Some, like Daniel, would be too old at the end of the 70 years to make the journey back home. Many would have likely been returning to a home they didn't remember. But it was just one verse!

I only had to read one more verse to find relief, to see the outcome, to see what God would do! But it was 70 years to those who lived it.

My story. My marriage. I could tell you an amazing story. (And with our anniversary coming up in a month, I probably will) I could write it all down and share with you a whole lot of hurt. In just a few paragraphs (I could make it longer, I'm pretty wordy) I could show you where we went wrong. I could show you what it took us 9, 10, 11 years to see. And you can scream, "What were you thinking??? This is so obvious, couldn't you see?" (at the computer screen, not at me, please) Then I could do something really wonderful, I could sum up the most painful part in just a few sentences and skip right to the part where God delivered us. God restored our marriage. Did I mention it's date night? Yeah, and I'm excited about it!!

The painful part, that took a long, long time. In the middle of that long, long time, it seemed that the long, long time would likely be forever. But now?

Now, it's just a verse. Because God is writing more to the story.

I hope that I can encourage anyone who is living in the middle of the verse. Turn to God, let Him write the rest of the story. No matter how long your verse lasts, the end of the chapter will not disappoint.

Remind Me

2008-09-02T11:19:00.000-05:00

The next time I lose something, like say, my cell phone, remind me to check inside my guitar!

(I love you Rachel!)

Powerful with a Spear

2008-08-31T12:18:00.000-05:00

After a false labor on August 16th, 2002, I was beginning to wonder if I would ever go into labor. On Friday night, Aug. 30, I did some shopping and picked up a little stuffed lamb that played "Jesus loves me." I was sure that we were having a girl and thought the lamb would convince Gary to let me name the baby Rachel (which means "little lamb"). Up until that point, we had agreed on a boys name but had no girls name picked out. I loved Rachel but Gary was not in agreement.

Then on Saturday morning, my water broke and we called everyone at 6am to let them know there would be a party at our house. My neighbor and good friend dropped her Saturday plans and came right over to make pancakes for breakfast! It was a great morning! My mom and Gary's mom came over. My Aunt and cousin and friend were there. My midwife, of course. We sat around and visited, I gave back rubs. I made an effort to drink castor oil to speed things along. I couldn't, but as it turned out, I didn't need to.

By lunch time we were talking baby names again. We were focused on a girls name because the boys name was set in stone. Or so we thought. Noah Lee. "Noah" means "rest, peace". I loved that name and the meaning was icing on the cake. In the process of going over girl names, Gary mentioned that Garrett was nice. He and his father are both Gary and my grandfather's name was Everett. So, Garrett combined them all. My mom had mentioned this name before but we didn't bring that up at the time, or he might have changed his mind.

I agreed to change our boy name if we could use Matthew for his middle name because it meant "Gift from God." With a new boy name and still no girl name, we headed up stairs around 2 in the afternoon. My cousin played with Aly and Aidan and they watched "Men in Black." She said that she kept turning it up toward the end, afraid of what the kids would hear.

At 4:09pm, my mother-in-law "caught" a beautiful baby and my midwife quickly unwrapped the cord from around the neck. Gary announced "It's a boy!" to which I replied "Are you serious?"

I remember him being big and...purple. I also remember feeling completely at peace with not an ounce of concern. They gave him a little oxygen and he pinked up soon after.

It was an amazing day. I loved sitting in my rocking chair, watching family and friends hold Garrett, celebrating his new little life. Seeing Aly and Aidan as they met their little brother. As I nursed him in my room, the house filled with the aroma of peach dump cake. It was a perfect day.

When the day ended, Aly and Aidan were tucked into their beds. My mother-in-law stayed over on the couch. That first night with Garrett was wonderful. It was quiet and peaceful. No nurses coming in, no sending him to the nursery with other crying babies. Just me and him. All 8lb. 15oz., and 21 1/2 inches of him. He was so handsome!

We visited with friends and family all weekend. Garrett showed off for my mom and rolled over the day after he was born! He had things to do, no time to just lay around! We assumed it was just a fluke until he continued to roll over...10 more times before he was a month old! By then he had put on some more weight and settled back into a "normal" pattern with his milestones!

Now, six years have gone by. We have learned that when we decided against the name that meant "rest, peace" we chose a name that means "powerful with a spear." What were we thinking? We have learned of our little boy's strong will and determination. We have watched him follow the "big kids" without hesitation. "I can't" doesn't seem to enter his mind much. We now watch him get on the bus every morning and come home to love on his little sister.

While folding laundry last spring, I learned of his desire to find out how to get to heaven. He announced to me that you have to ask Jesus into your heart if you want to go to heaven, but he hadn't because he didn't know how. And after a long talk, I watched as he prayed and asked for forgiveness. I can't wait to watch God's plan for his life unfold. To watch as he's drawn closer to God into a personal relationship with Jesus.

I love you Garrett! Happy Birthday!

Playing Telephone on the Telephone

2008-08-28T22:22:00.003-05:00

Remember the game "Telephone"?

Well, I just played it...on the telephone.

It went like this...

Gary: 2 Timothy 14 Keep reminding them of these things

Me (on the phone to Kristin): 2 Timothy 14 Keep reminding them of these things

Gary: warn them before God against quarrelling about words

Me (on the phone to Kristin): warn them before God against quarrelling about words

Gary: it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.

Me (on the phone to Kristin): it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.

Kristin: What does it do in wisdom?

Kristin lost. But she won't be ruined...she wasn't listening.

On What Do I Lean?

2008-08-28T17:24:00.002-05:00

There are plenty of things about God and life and eternity that I cannot begin to understand. Things that my mind cannot make sense of and my eyes cannot see.

When I look at a situation and can't answer "why?", I have two choices.

I can decide that everything I can't comprehend calls for putting my faith on pause until I figure out this problem. If something doesn't make sense to me then it must be wrong. I will need to address the issue with God and will continue following Him once He has defended Himself sufficiently and proved Himself to me (again).

The other option is turn to God during these times and not question Him, but seek Him. I can admit that I don't understand and that I struggle with "why". I can sit at his feet as a student instead of calling Him to the stand in my courtroom.

There are mysteries that He will reveal and there are mysteries that will remain. He knows them all. He is trustworthy.

Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

Now For Some Serious Stuff

2008-08-27T10:48:00.002-05:00

I feel it is important to post a link here. I already have a button on the sidebar that will take you to "MckMama's" blog, but I think her latest post is worthy of extra mention.

She posted "a miracle in the making, by the numbers" yesterday. I believe you will be blessed by reading this beautiful reminder of just how awesome God is.

She asked all who have been praying for her baby, Stellan, to chime in and so far, she has 563 comments!

Why I'm Not Emailing...Right Now

2008-08-27T09:29:00.001-05:00

Every now and then, or more often than that, I receive emails from "Willa", "Theresa", and "Verna", among others. They are often written in a different language. Despite this communication barrier, I am fairly confident that they are trying to sell me something that enhances...something.

Fortunately, McAfee is looking out for me and sends these messages to a separate folder for me to delete.

Today, I am wishing that I could contact these email senders and find out who their email service provider is. You see, my email service provider has decided in the last few days that all of my outgoing mail is SPAM. And then refuses to allow my mail to be "sent."

"The girls" don't seem to have that problem.

Now, my email service provider has a wonderful help section. I looked up my "error code" and read all about "what to do." Apparently, if you feel your email has been flagged as SPAM in error (yes, I do) then you are to send the email to their special email address and they will...well, I don't know what they will do.

That is great.

The problem is....you won't let me send emails!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just had to write about this. It is really just a minor nuisance and will soon be fixed, but it makes me laugh.

Disappointed?

2008-08-25T12:55:00.003-05:00

From dictionary.com:

dis·ap·point [dis-uh-point] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object)

1.	to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of: His gross ingratitude disappointed us.

2.	to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart; frustrate: to be disappointed in love.

–verb (used without object)

3.	to bring or cause disappointment.

Can this life disappoint me? If disappointing is the failure to fulfill expectations, hopes, and plans, then I suppose being disappointed in life will depend on my expectations, hopes, and plans. Right?

I will not be disappointed. Nope.

Why? Because I will root all of my expectations, hopes, and plans in God's Word. His Word will be fulfilled.

I expect that this life will be hard. There will be pain and suffering. My heart will break. This is a fallen world I live in. This world has nothing else to offer.

I expect that even in this life, I will find God, see His work, and be blessed by Him. I expect that everything I go through will be in His hands but He will not spare me from every pain.

My hopes? My hope is a confidence. My hope is in Christ. He died and paid the penalty for my sin, He rose again and conquered death. He is seated at the right hand of God. He is preparing a place for me.

My plan? My plan is to seek God. To know Him as deeply, as intimately, as I can in this life. My plan is to surrender my plans to Him and accept His will for my life.

My plan is to seek God, to serve God, and to live to please God. He is drawing me into a closer relationship with Himself. He will work in me in whatever way He chooses and I know that even if it's painful, it will be worthwhile.

God will not disappoint.

His Work

2008-08-21T08:56:00.000-05:00

Psalm 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

This morning I stood in my kitchen at 6:30, making 11 Swedish pancakes to take up to my little girl's room for her special birthday breakfast in bed. Eleven pancakes. How can she be 11 pancakes old already? By the way, the tradition of getting the same number of pancakes as your age was foolishly started by me when she was only 4. I didn't think ahead.

I was thinking back to that beautiful day and remembering, well, every detail! My water "leaking" at 3:30 am. Going back to sleep even though my contractions had started. Calling my mom in the morning. Cutting Gary's hair before he went to work so he would look nice for the pictures if this was in fact going to be "the day!" Lying in a hospital bed, all hooked up to the monitors but not being admitted because they had to find out for sure if that was my water that leaked. They were confident that this first-time-mom had just wet the bed a bit and would be sent home as soon as the test was run. They were wrong and this first-time-mom, who didn't know anything about anything, was right.

At 11am they finally broke my water, as it had only leaked on it's own. I remember finally being admitted and having to have blood drawn and an IV line placed while contractions were becoming harder and closer. The nurse, who I'm sure is a very nice woman and I know God loves her, couldn't get the IV in. It took quite a few tries. I wonder if she has a clue just how close she came to being knocked over the head with an emesis basin?

By 2pm I was very uncomfortable. About that same time our Associate Pastor came by to visit. That was very nice of him. I was very nice to him. If I had been given my preference I would have visited with him the next day with a baby in my arms instead, but what can you do?

I lose track of time after that but it seems it was around 4pm that I had a thought that panicked me. A contraction was just ending and all of a sudden it occurred to me that, "I can't take a break!" It really freaked me out. I had absolutely no control. It was going to continue to the end and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't decide to step out for five minutes. I couldn't press pause. I had to endure whatever came and for however long it took to be finished.

It was after this that I started sleeping in between contractions. It doesn't sound possible, but I'm not kidding. The beginning of each contraction would wake me from a dream and I would start to doze again as the contraction started to diminish. I wouldn't believe it either, so I'm not offended if you don't. I just know that God's grace was sufficient for me! (2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.")

At 5:07pm we met Alison Elizabeth!!! She was long and skinny and had a mess of dark hair with blond tips. I didn't know a baby could be so beautiful. I didn't know my heart could love so deeply. This 7lb. 5 oz., 21" long little girl had brought the room to tears. And I was a mom. What was God thinking? Later that evening when family had gone, Gary and I called his mom to ask her (I wish I was making this up) if we could change Alison's diaper or if we were supposed to call the nurse!

As I pondered all of this over pancakes, it occurred to me that God didn't need me for this miracle of life. He spoke creation into existence. He could have brought Aly into this world without me. Humbly, I recognize that although He doesn't need me, He allows me to be used by Him. To be a part of His work. I believe that's why each mother's story of how she brought each of her children into this world is so special to her. God gave life to my little girl...through me! I will forever treasure the story of how He did that!

Happy Birthday Alison!!!!

Numbers 12:3

2008-08-20T14:48:00.003-05:00

If you are not familiar with the book of Numbers, it was written by Moses, at least the majority of it. It was written about Israel's journey to Canaan.

The 12th chapter starts with this:

Miriam and Aaron Oppose Moses

1 Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite. 2 "Has the LORD spoken only through Moses?" they asked. "Hasn't he also spoken through us?" And the LORD heard this.

3 (Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)

I just love verse 3. My footnote states that this verse was "perhaps a later addition to the text, alerting the reader to the great unfairness of the charge of arrogance against Moses."

In fact the verse is mentioned in the introduction of Numbers. It reads, "It is not necessary, however, to claim that Numbers came from Moses' hand complete and in final form. Portions of the book were probably added by scribes or editors from later periods of Israel's history. For example, the protestation of the humility of Moses (12:3) would hardly be convincing if it came from his own mouth. But it seems reasonable to assume that Moses wrote the essential content of the book."

This just makes me laugh every time I think about it.

I think Moses did write it himself! How funny would that be?

God isn't so serious that He wouldn't include some humor in His book! He created bugs whose bottoms light up! He's got a sense of humor or He wouldn't have created us with one. In fact there are plenty of funny things in the Bible.

And I don't think it made Moses any less humble if he recognized that others were not.

I don't claim to have any actual answer to this, I just really think it would be funny if it was in fact Moses who wrote, "Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth."

(Of course, regardless of the author, this verse is the inspired Word of God.)

If You Give a Fish a Camera

2008-08-19T18:29:00.000-05:00

Well, I am officially off the clock for my last full day of summer babysitting! And God has blessed me. How? He has given me the gift of finally being excited about sending the kids to school tomorrow! Still, it was a little sad when everyone went home...a little.

I have so many things to write about from our weekend adventure. I must start with cakes, though.

I made a cake for a friend's daughter who requested a horse cake:

And then of course, I made Aly a cake for her party with her best friends. Not wanting a plain-ole-boring cake, she went with a "tubing cow" theme!

With the cakes done on Friday night, I moved on to my next project - a spiritual gift test. Gary and I were going to our church's membership class on Saturday morning and this test was part of our pack of information. I have never had so much fun taking a test. Okay, so the fun was after the test. Specifically, after question #100, when I glanced up to the top of the page and read that #1 meant "almost always", #2 meant "occasionally, and #3 meant "not very often." This was after I had answered 100 questions with the (mis)understanding that the numbers were, well, the opposite.

In my defense (and boy do I need a defense), don't you think my way makes more sense? Really. If you are marking answers of "almost always" and "not very often" it is so much more logical that #1 would be "not very often", it is after all, the smaller number. See?

Well, I ended up with a lot of x's and double the circles but I still came out of it with a spiritual gift or two. Which proves the point that God does in fact use the foolish things of the world.

Saturday morning we went to the membership class and I have to say that I really, really enjoyed it! It could have been pastors talking about statements of faith and here's what our denomination believes, but it was more than that. It was listening to the things God has done, the things God has said, and the things that God has in store for us. It was actually really exciting. Gary and I had a great time and we both mentioned later what a different time it was from the last church membership class we attended together. (another church, another story)

Eventually Saturday, I headed to Beaver Dam with 4 girls and left our guys at home. They had a great time at the fair Saturday and fishing after church on Sunday so I don't feel bad that they were left out!

The first order of business at my Dad's was a boat ride and tubing. The girls had a blast and I took lots of pictures! I'm sure the pictures were cute. At one point, someone needed to be pulled in so I set my camera down and grabbed the line. I think is was Megan I was pulling in, and once she got into the boat, I turned around and saw Rachel. You can see where this is going.

Rachel had her elbows propped up on the side of the boat and was looking into the water. She looked so cute that I wished I had taken a picture...but I couldn't. She was watching my camera sink to the bottom of the lake. Kind of how my heart sank down into my feet.

The lake was not clear, as lakes tend to be. We could not physically see the camera in the water, but I knew. We searched the boat and asked Rachel repeatedly, "Where's mommy's camera?" Her response was always the same. "Um, floor." And she would point to the water. When we got ready to motor away, Rachel waved and said, "Pictures. Bye." It was very sweet. Whatever.

The rest of Aly's birthday bash weekend was nothing but wonderful. There was tubing and burgers. A beautiful sunset over the lake. Girls giggling. Boating and jumping off the boat to swim at the dock. Rachel and I hung out at the dock while everyone went out on the boat on Sunday. More tubing, more girls giggling. Rachel was allowed back on the boat and even got to tube. Then came pizza and yes, more girls giggling. Rachel's afternoon nap was taken on my lap in an inner tube.

As I floated with Rachel and watched the girls speed by in the boat I realized the blessing that this was. It was not an "Ah, life is good" moment. It was an "in spite of our sin, here in this fallen world, God still orchestrates moments like this when I can enjoy His creation, and feel somewhat removed from the consequences of sin that we can not escape from until the day Jesus comes back for His bride" moment.

And that is what I took away with me when we left the lake on Sunday evening.

That and the mental image of a little fish slapping seaweed above his lip and saying to his buddy, "Hey, take a picture of my mustache!"

Sorry, that is just how my mind works.

A Glimpse

2008-08-18T22:35:00.001-05:00

I have been especially in awe of God lately. Just starting this post is exciting me. I'm already getting goosebumps.

Everything has seemed more amazing to me lately. Everything stirs me. Everything excites me.

Talking about God, saying His name, expressing thoughts about Him, listening to others do the same makes feel like I could run through the mountains singing like Maria in The Sound of Music!

Here are some things that have me bursting with praise.

God spoke and from nothing, everything came to be. He spoke! As if it's not impressive enough that He made something from nothing! He just spoke!

He took the time to form us. He obviously could have just spoken. No, He formed man from the dust and He knits us together in the womb. It was His very breath that gave life to the man He formed.

The stars in the sky? He knows them by name! I have four kids and I mix them up!

The sun comes up every morning and sets every evening. If I did the same thing every day it would quickly become boring. I am 35 years old. I've seen a lot of sunsets and I can still be so impressed with a sunset that I have to call anyone nearby to come witness what I'm seeing!

I spent some time with my Dad looking at pictures he had taken in Hawaii. All I could say was "wow" about 40 times and pose the question "how can you look at this and think it just happened by some accident?"

I can find rainbows in the sky. God first painted one as a promise. And He still shows us His promise today. It was created for no other purpose but to reveal Himself to us.

His Spirit worked in men and used them to pen His very Word. And it's His, and it's meant for us.

I watch my kids giggle and I am overwhelmed by the fact that we laugh because He created laughter.

Rain falls from the clouds that He has covered the earth with. When it does, the grass is renewed. It's color is never more vibrant than after a rain.

All of these things make me want to know Him more. To see more of Him. To be closer to Him.

I have been listening to Alli Rogers and she has a song called "Closer to the Moon." There is a line in the song that didn't make any sense to me for awhile. I'd love to link to the lyrics but I can't find them online. She says "it's like watching dancers through a crack in the door."

I get it now.

It's just a glimpse.

I can see God everywhere. There is so much beauty in this world that I will never see it all and never tire of what I see.

It's just a glimpse.

I feel like a little girl standing outside the ballroom door and what I can see has captivated me. I can't wait for that door to swing wide open!

Is It Summer Yet?

2008-08-15T11:16:00.002-05:00

I just added a clock to my sidebar! Ironically, now I have time on my blog but in my day I am running out of it!

It is not quite lunch time and we have already learned the names of 3 teachers, been to 2 schools, and explored 1 classroom.

Aly was anxious to find out if she and her best friend would be in the same class and also anxious to find out if her classroom would actually be inside the building. Last year she was in the portables and had to go outside when they went to lunch/library/gym/bathroom breaks. We called her classroom the port-o-potties and joked that they didn't want her in the building.

Well, this year, she made the cut!!! They let her in! She's not in her best friend's class but she's 2 doors down. She is one happy camper!

Aidan is right next door to his first grade classroom from last year. Unfortunately we couldn't get into the room and couldn't see much from the window. We also forgot to look over his class list and check for friends.

Way down at the end of the last hallway, we found Garrett's Kindergarten classroom! It was open and his teacher, Mrs. S., was there with her mom. She told me that she just got back from a missions trip to Africa but our conversation was cut short by children (imagine that). I'll definitely have to talk to her more about that!

She has a large rug with large colored dots for their reading area. The first thing the kids said when they saw it was "Garrett! You get to play Twister!" So, we played Twister. Then Garrett decided that it looked more like a dance floor. Mrs. S. is in trouble.

Now we need to make a quick lunch so I can get started on some cakes. I have a horse cake to make for a friend's daughter and a "sky-diving cow" cake to make for Aly's birthday sleepover at the lake! (thank you to Grandpa Bob and Grandma Sandy!)

Aly is very much like me (which is not always a good thing)! Her creative juices are flowing and with summer vacation coming to a close, she is eager to fit in some extra special fun before the party's over. Her latest idea is that we should buy white t-shirts for everyone to decorate and each one should read "Is it summer yet?" She thinks it would be great fun for them all to wear on the first day of school.

Funny girl.